Let's Talk About Sex And Appetites.

Today's Let's Talk About Sex episode is about the different level of urges couples have for sex. I've seen many couples bicker and fight over this issue so talking about it is very necessary in ensuring a happy relationship. What happens usuall y is that one spouse's demand for sex supersedes the other spouse. I remember an incident some years ago, my hubby's friend's girlfriend called him up in the middle of the night to "report" her boyfriend's inability to go an extra round after a disappointing first round. It was so out of the blues because this girl is one of the most gentle and quiet people we know. I can imagine the level of frustration that led to her making that call that night. 

On the other hand, I have friends (males and females) who themselves or their husbands have such huge apetites for sex that it has become a problem in their marriages. Before I go further into breaking things down, let me share an experience with you. Earlier this year, we went on a rape awareness walk for Stand To End Rape and I met a man who claimed his wife rapes him daily because no matter how exhausted he gets after a day at his plank chopping workshop, she demands for sex and the least she permits is a round. When he tries to make her understand that he's had a rough day and needs his sleep, she goes off on a rant about how she sure he's cheating and has spent his energy on another woman! I felt really sorry for him because you could tell he was bothered and embarrassed at his predicament of not being able to match his wife's voracious sexual appetite. 

Now from the perspective of the males I have spoken with over time about this issue, they feel that it is a commendable thing that they feel attracted to their wives' bodies every time and they see nothing wrong in wanting to have sex with their wives very often. They claim their wives' libidos have dropped since the kids started coming and this makes them feel relegated to the background. One thing I got from all of them is the fact that their wives do not initiate sex enough or at all in some cases and this is a major turn off. (Yes ladies, our men love it when we make the first move. It's a thrill they enjoy but claim doesn't happen enough so up your games but be sure to know your partner isn't the sort to get turned off by such.) While some of them do consider the stress and pressures involved in being a working mother, they can't seem to tame their libidos and they can't understand why their wives just won't concede to their sexual demands. Some men go a step further by threatening (and often actually carrying out the threats) to have extra-marital affairs in order to "assist" their seemingly "overwhelmed" wives. 

The females on the other hand claim they have mountains of external issues to deal with daily such as school runs, what to feed the family, difficult bosses, envious colleagues, grasping in-laws, hormones, PTA meetings, contraceptives, market runs, traffic to and from work,

and a host of other things. Thus, having constant sex is the furthest things on their minds and very often, in a bid to satisfy their men and avoid fights and arguments, they succumb to the sexual advances while faking orgasms and hoping silently that the men would get it over and done with. This is a sad fact and things really shouldn't degenerate to this level. The women also claim that they don't get the chance to initiate sex a lot or at all because the men initiate it enough for both parties. 

These are major issues in marriages and relationships that need instant and constant solutions because they are tearing couples/marriages apart. The key thing above all is for couples to realize that relationships/marriages involves perpetual communication, understanding and compromise. You need to be able to express feelings and frustrations clearly to your partner and they need to be able and willing to understand and see things from your point of view. Then both of you need to reach an equilibrium i.e a convenient compromise. Having a healthy marriage is about sacrificing and sacrificing is about going that extra mile to ensure your spouse is happy and satisfied. So if you have a lower libido than your spouse, it's for you to sit them down, talk about it and find means of matching theirs. If you have a higher libido than your spouse, you may do the same and know the right things to do to get them relaxed and in the mood. Take as much of their stress factors away as you can. Be friends and open up to yourselves enough to find answers to the problems. Sex in marriage is key because it brings couples closer and helps them bond better.