Hello dear blog readers, how has your day been? I am starting a column tagged #DearBuki where you can send whatever issues weighing on your minds and I would do my best to proffer solutions to them by giving my opinion and showing other perspectives to them. I do a lot of these guidance and counselling offline but when I got this prompting email, I felt the need to bring it on my blog. Depending on the responses I get, it would be a daily or weekly column. Do send me an email on bukiotuyemi@gmail.com and we will put heads together.
As they say, a problem shared, is a problem half solved.
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#DearBuki, you are doing a good job with your blog. I have followed you on twitter for a while and I read your blog as frequently as I can. I see how you reach out to people and I wanted to get your opinion and other people's opinions on an issue that has been bothering me all week.
I traveled to Abuja for a training last week and out of the blues I bumped into my bestie's husband. He was with another woman and a child. At first I thought I was dreaming but because I knew he was also away on a 'business trip' to Abuja, I couldn't doubt my own eyes. They were shopping in a supermarket and he was buying the little boy several toys. Himself and the tramp woman he was with were so close and very comfortable with each other. The most shocking thing for me was the indisputable resemblance between bestie's husband and the little boy. :(
I took a picture of them as proof just in case and then I walked up to him and greeted him and the look of horror and shock on his face gave it all away. The hostile attitude of the other woman also told me she was clearly smarter than he was and was ready for a showdown. I walked away, very disappointed in him. He has been calling since then and pleading with me not to let my bestie know. Buki, they have been married for about twelve years now and that boy I saw is about 7 years old.
I don't know what to do now. I am pained and confused. Please help me.
Mrs. XYZ
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Dear Mrs. XYZ,
Thanks for your email. It is a tricky situation you have found yourself in. I would say it largely depends on the sort of person your friend is. My friends know that I am the sort that would want to know of such if it ever happens. I do not like nasty surprises and I certainly would not want to catch an STD from an unfaithful spouse. Clearly your bestie's husband is hitting it raw and who knows how many more side chic and pikins he has running around. I, however, have friends that would not want to know if their husbands are engaging in adultery and would not appreciate it if they are told by anyone. So as a bestie, you should know how receptive your friend would be towards getting such information from you.
However, I think there are three ways to go about this:
1. You can give the culprit an ultimatum to 'fess up to his wife lest you do it yourself because you cannot keep quiet about it at the detriment of her life and health.
2. You can anonymously send your friend the information and let her take it from there. You would have to be there for her though. Finding out a partner's indiscretion can jolt even the toughest person.
3. You can unlook and act like nothing happened. Perhaps the truth will come out in future when the culprit dies and the other family suddenly appear for his funeral or even worse if his children meet randomly and fall in love.(Yes, my imagination is far stretched. These things do happen though).
Whatever path you choose to tow, I wish you all the very best. Take care and be there for your friend.
Thanks for your email. It is a tricky situation you have found yourself in. I would say it largely depends on the sort of person your friend is. My friends know that I am the sort that would want to know of such if it ever happens. I do not like nasty surprises and I certainly would not want to catch an STD from an unfaithful spouse. Clearly your bestie's husband is hitting it raw and who knows how many more side chic and pikins he has running around. I, however, have friends that would not want to know if their husbands are engaging in adultery and would not appreciate it if they are told by anyone. So as a bestie, you should know how receptive your friend would be towards getting such information from you.
However, I think there are three ways to go about this:
1. You can give the culprit an ultimatum to 'fess up to his wife lest you do it yourself because you cannot keep quiet about it at the detriment of her life and health.
2. You can anonymously send your friend the information and let her take it from there. You would have to be there for her though. Finding out a partner's indiscretion can jolt even the toughest person.
3. You can unlook and act like nothing happened. Perhaps the truth will come out in future when the culprit dies and the other family suddenly appear for his funeral or even worse if his children meet randomly and fall in love.
Whatever path you choose to tow, I wish you all the very best. Take care and be there for your friend.
See these wicked peoples!! Mrs. O, which kind advice you sef dey give like dis? Anyway, as an ex-JJC in these matters, there is a simple solution. Let Mrs. X call her friend and say "Ore mi, I saw you and your husband doing lovey dovey in Abuja o! That love nwantintin no get part two. I called you even and you didn't answer".
ReplyDeleteThe rest of the narrative will take care of itself.
LOL. That one sef dey.
DeleteThis are my thoughts.........
ReplyDeleteDear Mrs. XYZ, I know you are a very good friend and it's your right to want to protect your friend. Kindly apply wisdom in doing this because you won’t want your Bestie's 12 years wedding go down just like that.
Yes I support the fact that your friend has a right to know about his deceitful hubby’s lifestyle. I will advise you first test the ground before you spill out all the details.
Just assume the position of your friend and ask her to advice on what you should do because your hubby is cheating and even has a child outside wedlock. Her responses / reactions will inform your decision.
I also feel you should have stopped at the picture part, probably you would have been able to tell your friend without the hubby knowing the source.
Also bear in mind that in Nigeria, such Act is not new and it’s generally accepted which makes it even worse.
Please and Please Mrs. XYZ apply wisdom in dealing with the situation so that you won’t be seen as a home breaker. God help you.
I know wisdom is key but going by the other woman's attitude she could be a threat to Mrs xyz's bestie in the nearest future and so my candid submission is just send the picture annonymously through an unknown mail, yes her hubby will know it is you but even at that there is no proof you were the only one that saw him...so please do not keep quiet.
Delete