Hello dear blog readers, how has your day been? I have started a column tagged #DearBuki where you can send whatever issues weighing on your minds and I would do my best to proffer solutions to them by giving my opinion and showing other perspectives to them. I do a lot of these guidance and counselling offline so I felt the need to bring it on my blog. Do send me an email on bukiotuyemi@gmail.com and we will put heads together. Check out the first post here , the second one here and the third one here.
As they say, a problem shared, is a problem half solved. :)
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Dear Buki, I have a problem that is eating me up and I really want to get it off my chest before it destroys me. My name is Andy and I will be getting married in a few weeks. I really love my fiancée with all my heart and I cannot imagine living without her. The problem is that my friends planned a bachelor's eve for me a few weeks ago and although everything started really well, I ended up drinking too much and having sex with one of the strippers they organized for the event. I had drank so much that when she led me into a room, I offered no resistant. I only realized myself afterwards and I was broken. I have never cheated on her in the fours years of dating up until that moment.
I don't know if I should tell her or not to get rid of this heavy guilt in my heart. I know she will be devastated about it. Please tell me what you think I should do.
Thank you.
Andy.
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Dear Andy, thank
you for seeking advice on this platform. I felt your genuineness reading
through your email and I am sad that you have gotten yourself into such a
mess. The thing is this, by telling your fiancée about your indiscretion, you
risk losing her trust and possibly losing her forever and you would definitely be starting off your marriage on
a rocky level if there is a marriage, that is.
You have made a grave mistake but you can learn from it and move
on with your life while ensuring such never happens ever again. While I do not
support not encourage deceit or hiding stuff from your spouse, I have learnt
that even though a lot of people feel they can handle knowing their spouse
cheated, in reality, they simply cannot. Only a rare handful can actually move
on from knowing their spouses cheated without deep and often lasting resentment for the wayward
spouse.
I do not also
know if you had unprotected sex with that stripper or not, but either way, I
think you need to go for health checks before your wedding so that you do not
put your wife-to-be at risk of an STD. Also, since you now know that you cannot
handle excessive drinking, I would advise you to stay well away from situations
where you’re drinking heavily without a responsible chaperon at least.
If you still
feel the need to unburden yourself after this, you can speak to an older and
wiser relative or send me your number and I will call you. I wish you all the
best.
Thank you.
Buki O.
Dear Andy, putting myself in your wife to be's place, id rather you tell her. It's worse if after a while you realize your partner had the conscience to keep such thing from you for that long, then you begin to question their loyalty. On the other hand if she's the type that has issues forgiving and letting go, yeah it's allowed not to tell her. At this point seek the Holy spirit for counsel, tell her regardless. She would respect your sincerity after all.
ReplyDeleteDear Andy, putting myself in your wife to be's place, id rather you tell her. It's worse if after a while you realize your partner had the conscience to keep such thing from you for that long, then you begin to question their loyalty. On the other hand if she's the type that has issues forgiving and letting go, yeah it's allowed not to tell her. At this point seek the Holy spirit for counsel, tell her regardless. She would respect your sincerity after all.
ReplyDeleteID advise you keep that to yourself. You already have unburdened to Buki, so,I guess you should feel better. Telling your fiancée will so rock the boat. I know she will have a seed of doubt sown which is better not sown at all. You better learn from your indiscretion and live with it.
ReplyDeleteMy 2 cents.