Hello dear blog readers, how has your day been? I have started a column tagged #DearBuki where you can send whatever issues weighing on your minds and I would do my best to proffer solutions to them by giving my opinion and showing other perspectives to them. I do a lot of these guidance and counselling offline so I felt the need to bring it on my blog. Do send me an email on bukiotuyemi@gmail.com and we will put heads together. Check out the other posts here.
As they say, a problem shared, is a problem half solved................ :)
Dear Buki, thank you for this platform. I really enjoy coming to your blog to 'chill' because it does not have the 'mass production' feel which some other blogs have and I always feel your warm persona through your write-ups.
Let me go straight to the point. I hate my mother and my uncle very much. Some days, I imagine myself having the courage to kill them and then dance on their graves. Other days, I wish I could just kill myself but I do not have the heart to do either. Before your readers judge me, let me give you an insight to my background.
My uncle started raping me just after my 10th birthday. I remember the first time so clearly, the pains, my tears, the blood, the shock, my disappointment, I remember the colour of the bed sheet and the white ceiling fan, I remember the sound of a vendor presses his horn outside, I remember so many things from that day Buki and every time I remember, I bleed inside.
I told her about it when I was 12 years old. She did not believe me. She yelled at me and beat me up. She did not believe me, even though she knew because I had become so withdrawn and emancipated. Where's my father in all of these, you ask? He left us when I was much younger and never came back, at least that is what she told me. She allowed her brother abuse me for years Buki and I cannot forgive them. I told her but she did not believe me and still allowed him have access to our house. He only stopped when I was almost 14 years old, after I held a rusty knife to his balls during another attempt and warned him never to touch me.
She knows her brother is a monster. I only just found recently that he was that way with two other cousins of mine but no one in the family ever confronted him. The entire family knows but they covered up for him to save the family name at the expense of us, the real victims. Life is so unfair.
My happiest moments are when I am away from the house at work. I am 26 years old now and I want to be free Buki. Help me please.
Thank you.
Bintu.
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Dear Bintu,
Let me start by giving you a tight e-hug and letting you know how sorry I am for your horrendous ordeal. As often as I hear rape stories which occurred in this our country Nigeria, each new story still leaves me shocked and pained that not only are these monsters existing, but that they are roaming free. It is scary, the amount of serial rapists and pedophiles we have in Nigeria. Writing in to me is a step towards your healing process dear Bintu, I want you to see it that way. You have carried this burden for long enough.
I am appalled that your mum knew her brother was abusing minors, not just mere minors but of her own blood, and did nothing. I cannot imagine your disgust and fury at them, but I will tell you this, they are not worth going to jail for. Do not commit a double murder nor take your own life Bintu. Instead, seek justice with the backing of the law. There are several NGO's and even governmental bodies that can help you. If you reach out to Stand To End Rape or the Miracle Centre, they will advise you better nohow to go about this. They offer counselling and trauma to help you get over the trauma of what you have faced over the years.
One thing I know is that you need to get out of that toxic environment ASAP. From your email, you say you have a job, so save up or take a loan and leave your mother's house. No matter how attractive suicide or murder looks to you right now, believe me that neither is worth the heartaches it would bring. I implore you not to tow that road but to seek a legal way of making them pay for the atrocities meted out to you.
Once again, I am so sorry you had to go through that. No one should have to face that. I promise to help you walk this road to recovery, if you would let me. Take care of yourself and be assured that I care.
Thanks.
Buki O.
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