You Don't Know Panic......

Apologies for my absence here. I had a really crazy day yesterday.  I had a most busy day at work and then I got a call from my daughter's school that she was unwell. 

You don't know panic until you find yourself stuck in crazy traffic after being informed that your daughter is very ill and weak.

You don't know panic until you see how pale, weak and dehydrated your daughter is and realising that the hospital is a little distance away from where you are.

You don't know panic until you see your daughter throwing up and heaving into a bag in the back of a car with a a driver who had stopped for a red traffic light and was too scared to move because the sight at the back seat was terrifying and so was the sight of the armed fierce looking policemen looking out for traffic offenders.

You don't know panic until you get to the entrance of the hospital and get blocked off by another vehicle but rather than wait a second longer because you daughter is still throwing up in the bag, you scoop her limp body up and dash barefooted into the hospital................ temporarily forgetting your son in the cab.

You don't know panic until you get into a hospital with your daughter's limp body in your arms and you are directed into the emergency room but get there and find no one to attend to you immediately.

You don't know panic until you rush back to the reception, all the while cradling your daughter's weakening and burning hot body in your arms.

You don't know panic until you watch helplessly as the medical team do what it is they know how to do best while you stand aside and try not to cry in front of your daughter.

You don't know panic until you remember you left your son in the cab and then struggle with the decision to leave your ailing daughter in the ER while you go and search for your son.

You don't know panic until you scout faces searching for your son before finally sighting him safe with the equally worried cabbie. (Yes, #UsmanIsBae)

You don't know panic until you relieve the horror you have just been through in the eyes of the cabbie who watched you break down in tears before picking up your kids from school, rushing them to the hospital and watching your wee daughter puking her guts in the back of his cab.

You don't know panic until you whizz past your mother-in-law, who just randomly happened to be in the hospital at that same time, while rushing off to the laboratory with your daughter's blood for tests.

You don't know panic until she calls you and it takes 30 full seconds for you to recognise her because between your dash to the laboratory, your haste to get back to your daughter in the ER and your frantic search for your son and the cabbie (all over again), the world stopped existing in those seconds.

You don't know panic until you are caught between deciding whether to use a wet cloth to bring down your daughter's temperature or to cover her up because she is shivering nonstop.

You don't know panic until you realise you are feeling dizzy because it is 5.10pm and all you have had all day was a sweet or two.

You don't know panic until you realise that going home tonight is no longer an option. Admission is the only option.

You don't know panic until you discover your hospital roomie's child has been on admission for the  past ONE MONTH with the same symptoms your daughter has.

You know what though? 

You mentally talk sense into your head and gather strength rather than panic. You reach out to good friends who would stand in the gap and pray for/with you in such trying times. You let go and let God, while putting up a strong front so that your kids don't see you panicked or broken. You grin and bear whatever it is you are going through because you are a S U R V I V O R and this is after all part of the joys of motherhood.

Have a splendid weekend ahead. 

#AllHeartsAlways

Unnecessary Serenre And Roborebe

As if our honourable senators commissioning suggestion boxes was not archaic and ridiculous enough as I wrote here yesterday, today's news is all about President Buhari's forthcoming visit to Lagos State to help commission security helicopters. I really cannot understand what the fuss is about because the said helicopters should have been put to worthy and immediate use as soon as they were purchased rather than wait for a commissioning before starting work. 

Security helicopters are work tools and should not be treated as favours to the residents of Lagos state. Y'all did not see me commissioning my MacBook when I got it because it is a freaking work tool and it started work immediately it was handed to me. Between the date of purchase and proposed commission date, (which is tomorrow by the way so Lagosians, brace yourselves for the endless traffic that is bound to come with this Presidential visit) there have been numerous robberies around and about Lagos state. Perhaps, just perhaps if the helicopters had been launched earlier, those robberies would not have happened and if they did, they would have been curbed.

As bogus as bogus gets, the picture above is of the Nassarawa state governor, Umaru Tanko Al-Makura lying on a student's mattress inside the dormitory of the Government College, Keffi. He is lying on the mattress to confirm its dilapidated state. This right here is what I call unnecessary serenre and roborebe which is English could mean absolute poppycock and hogwash. Even a blind man can see that this hostel is not fit for an animal least of all a pupil, yet that is the reality of the students of Government College, Keffi.  

What a sham, what a shame, what a pity.

I have been to a few schools in the past one year and the horrific conditions in which they have sunken to is beyond appalling. Methinks our government really need to sit up, roll up their sleeves and begin to FIX the country especially the health and educational sectors.

Finders Keepers....

A few days ago, Nigeria media was agog with the news of a man who is presently on the run because the Central Bank of Nigeria erroneously paid in =N=45million into his account. He cleared the cash, skedaddled and now he is wanted by the EFCC because what he has done is a crime, even though he was minding his business when the error occurred. 

Yup, that's him.

Meanwhile, a few days ago in England, a young man who was just minding his business and heading home after a dinner with some friends at Nando's happened to see something shiny on the ground and when he picked it up, it turned out to be a diamond engagement ring worth between £50,000 - £80,000! 

Wowsers. *grabs sunshades to hide from this bling bling*

Rather than head straight to the pawn to flog this the miracle which was dropped at his feet, this young man chose to do the decent, ethical and honourable thing by trying to track the owner of the lost ring. I can hear some of you calling him mumu, Kontinuu o.

This is the honest cutie.

He set up a Facebook campaign in order to track the owner of the missing diamond ring and it paid off because he has since met up with the owner of the ring and after sufficient confirmation, released the ring back to the rightful owner. According to him, keeping the ring for himself was not an option because in the past, he had lost his phones several times and always had it returned to him. See, it plays to do good because it always comes back around.

As tempting as it may seem to commit fraud and engage in corrupt practices, there is always the option of resisting and refusing to partake of such, no matter what your circumstance might be. Strive to be contented with what you have and endeavour to be ethical in all your dealings always. I wonder how the fugitive's family are coping with the shame and embarrassment of his action. I cannot imagine what he would face if/when apprehended by the authorities. This other chappie who returned the ring does not have two heads o, all he had was a clean conscience and a good heart.

What would you have done if you were in their shoes? Yes, you. :) 

Be #AllHeartsAlways

Nigerians Are A Special Breed

Just when you think things cannot get anymore ridiculous than grown up senators launching suggestion boxes in 2015, you come across the image below.

Sigh.

Who comes up with these things and who falls for them?

A Step Back Into A Century

Yesterday, our Senate members launched the use of suggestion boxes in the National Assembly. I mean the Senate president and his colleagues commissioned suggestion boxes. *weeps in collective silliness*.

I mean, we are in the year 2015 and the people whom we elected to govern the country actually think the use and the launch of suggestion boxes is acceptable. Methinks we are in a deeper mess in Nigeria than we realize. Who are the suggestion boxes meant for? Surely not the average Nigerians who cannot access the National Assembly premises randomly.

In this new age where we have easy access to the internet and whatnot, they did not think to open a website through which Nigerians can drop their suggestions but rather chose to LAUNCH SUGGESTION BOXES!!! Why did we elect them if we have to suggest what they should be doing ourselves? 

While others are creating mind-blowing inventions, visiting the moon and other planets, launching light rails and super jets, getting cures for terminal diseases, and so on, we are here launching inaccessible wooden suggestion boxes. This country breaks my heart daily.

I can't deal. 

#OnMyRadar: Missing Child Alert

A young child, Olarewaju Babalola Obazua, was kidnapped from his home at 5, John Ladipo Street, Ajegunle Apapa on Saturday the 23rd of November. He was last seen by his mother playing with other kids around the house.

I cannot imagine what the parents are presently going through.

If you happen to come across the child or any information which can help find him and bring him home, please call these numbers 08032197919 or 08165767706.

Thank you.

When Life Happens.....

Yesterday, the Kogi state governorship election held and All Progressives Congress candidate, Abubakar Audu emerged the winner. If he had been sworn in as governor, his ongoing trial for misappropriation of state funds amounting to N11 billion would have been suspended as he would have been covered by constitutional immunity from the trial within the duration of his 4-yar tenure.  

Today, INEC (Independent National Electoral Commission) declared the Kogi state election inconclusive because  the margin votes of victory was lesser that the cancelled votes. INEC ordered a rerun of the election in the areas where the votes were cancelled.

This evening, there are reports of Audu Abubakar demise after he learnt of the decision of INEC to declare his election as inconclusive. He is said to have died of undisclosed medical reasons shortly after he received the news earlier. 

There are several mixed reactions online from people about the news of his passing. While some are genuinely remorseful ab out his demise, others are ecstatic and unapologetically so as a result of his alleged corrupt practices. 

Life is so short and highly unpredictable. Live good and worthy legacies behind.

#DearBuki: Help! I'm Not Attracted To Him.

Hello dear blog readers, how has your day been? I have started a column tagged #DearBuki where you can send whatever issues weighing on your minds and I would do my best to proffer solutions to them by giving my opinion and showing other perspectives to them. I do a lot of these guidance and counselling offline so I felt the need to bring it on my blog. 

Do send me an email on bukiotuyemi@gmail.com and we will put heads together. Check out the other posts here.


As they say, a problem shared, is a problem half solved................ :)

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Dear Buki,

So here is my situation, that I need a bit of advice on. I think I know the answer. But I want to get out of my own head & thoughts for a bit. 

So it's been a year since my marriage ended and it was a painful & difficult break up. It's been a big readjustment to a lot of things. However, one of the things that keep coming up is the issue of relationship or getting back into one.  A part of me feels like I need more time to settle myself and get things back on track, especially since I have a small daughter.

Now I have men that approach me all the time, some for good and others for evil. I have a good friend who I've known for about a while now, and he states that he likes me and would like us to get married. He has made his feelings and intentions clear, at first I thought he was joking but he is actually very serious.  Now he is not a bad person. He is a Godly man, we speak about God a lot, actually 80% of our conversations are around God. He says the right things, he would do what he can for me and give me anything I want.  

But I’m not attracted to him and whenever he tries to touch me I flinch or become tense. I don't know what to do, I've tried. But I’m still flinching.  I don't have that desire for him. I am not sure if he knows. But he says he is the right man, and he believes God wants our relationship, shoot he even thinks we should get married!!!  

I do feel a little pressured as I am not sure am ready if I am ready for any kind of relationship beyond friendship. He says he is a good man, and that I should consider things. And all the rest of the language that comes with it.  He's a good man am not in doubt about that.  But I don't know if he is the man for me.

So what do I do? Is not being physically attracted to someone enough not to pursue the relationship? Will the attraction come after a while?  Should I give it a try just incase he is the man for me and I miss my chance? 

Am kinda confused and not sure what to do.

Help.

Thank you.

Nancy.

Dear Nancy,

Thank you for sharing your concerns. Good men are rare to come by these days but great sex is very important in every relationship to avoid stories that touch. In my own opinion, being in a relationship with someone you are not attracted to is a no-no unless the person is a relative of a platonic friend. You shouldn’t feel pressured or coerced into a relationship with anyone you don’t see yourself sexually attracted to. Flinching at his touch raises red flags for me, because it indicates you are far from the same level of attraction with him.

If he says he’s gotten clearance from God, have you? God speaks to us all when we listen so don’t believe that story unless you hear it yourself from Jah Himself. Also how is he all Godly yet willing to fornicate with you? Pardon my seemingly self-righteousness, but I don’t buy into stuff like that. I’m no saint myself, but I would rather people lay their cards on the table rather than hide behind their religion. Then again, what do I know? Christianity has taken a whole new dimension in modern times.

Anyway, back to the issue at hand are you willing to give up the big ‘O’ for mere platonic relationship or would you rather fake the ‘O’s’ in order to keep your relationship with him? If he was suggesting dating without intimacy and allowing the love blossom, I wouldn’t mind. That could work out well, but to get intimate when you are not feeling him, is rather awkward and you might end up detesting him for coercing you into it.

I’d say give it more time and see how it goes. You are young, smart and beautiful and you have your whole life ahead of you so take your time and get right the next time around.

I hope I have been helpful and I sincerely wish you all the best.

Cheers.

Buki O.

Ongoing: Terrorist Atack In A Hotel In Mali

I don't know how much longer I can go on with all the heartbreaking news going on around the world. Some gunmen have taken about 170 hostages at the Radisson Blu Hotel in Mali and at least three people have been killed so far.

The gunmen got into the premise in a car with diplomatic plate numbers and started shooting while shouting 'Allahu Akbar' as soon as they got in. Thy are said to be equipped with AK47s and are currently going from floor to floor gathering hostages.

Reports say they released about 20 hostages who could recite parts of the Koran. More details later.

I cannot understand how all of these terrorism madness began and festered to this point we are at this time. I wonder when/where it would all end..........

UPDATE; About 80 of the hostages have been freed. I really hope no more innocent lives would be lost in this attack. get those demented *%^£*$! 

#PrayForNigeria - Horrible Pictures From The Kano Bomb Blast

I am in tears, uncontrollable tears. I just saw some horrific and gory pictures from the Kano GSM market bomb blast which happened yesterday. I am heartbroken at the fate of the innocent victims whose only fault was being in the right place at the wrong time; whose only crime was having a government that have let terror bloom in our nation rather than nip it in the bud from the onset.

I am hurting badly at the sight of littered body parts and corpses in Kano State, in Yola, all around Nigeria. I am boiling mad at Boko Haram for being so cruel and evil as to see such inhumane abominable actions as normal. I am torn and I keep wondering and asking when it will end. I shudder at the thought of who might be next. 

Do not click on further than this point if you cannot stomach the gory sight. Ordinarily, I wouldn't post such horrific pictures but I think the world needs to wake up to the reality of what is happening in the Northern Nigeria. 

Viewer discretion advised from this point ........

Boko Haram Is 'Not A Priority'!!!

I just saw this video from about 10 months ago and I am gobsmacked at the seemingly casual and nonchalant utterances of the Major General James "Spider" Marks, a military analyst who claims that the West fighting Boko Haram is not a priority so long as the attacks are restricted to Black Africa as opposed to how they would have reacted if the Boko Haram terrorist attacks spread to white Africa. He says that so long as Boko Haram does not spread elsewhere outside black Africa, they are 'ok with it'!!!!

This is so hurtful because #AllLivesShouldMatter be it black, white, orange or purple! Boo Haram killed over SIX THOUSAND PEOPLE last year alone. They are just as barbaric and nefarious as ISIS are, so I ask, where then is the outrage? Where are the protests? Where is the support? Why must we wait for Boko Haram to hit other countries or bring down a plane headed to the West before action is taken against them? 

Yes, I know our government has not exactly helped curb the menace as they should have done, but if truly all lives matter, then surely, something tangible should have been done about Boko Haram. Any terrorist act to one part of the world is a terrorist act to the entire human race, regardless of the skin colour, region or religion.

There was another bomb blast yesterday in Kano and several people were killed horrifically in that attack, yet some knuckleheads somewhere think that is ok and still not a priority. 

Sigh.

Innocent victims from the Kano bomb blast.

When The Blood Of The Oppressed Cries

Sambo Dasuki

President Buhari is reported to have ordered the arrest of Sambo Dasuki, the former National Security Adviser of the Federation based on the results of an audit reports of procurement of arms and military equipment. 

It is alleged that Dasuki fraudulently stole about $2 billion (yes, that is two billion dollars) in arms dealings which were meant to be used to equip dedicated and brave Nigerian soldiers battling Boko Haram terrorists. The report revealed that Dasuki awarded ghost contracts for the supply of 12 helicopters, 4 fighter jets, bombs and ammunition estimated at $2 billion but which were never supplied. 

This same man was in power when two private jets were apprehended by the South African government for bringing in millions of dollars in cash which were claimed to be meant for the purchase of ammunition.

I find it worrisome that while our troops kept complaining about a shortage of ammunition to fight and win the war against Boko Haram, this man and his cronies had the money to put things right but never did. They just ignored the pitiful plight of those poor soldiers and sent quite a number of them to their gory end. I am getting all emotional now as I recall a particular video in which the nefarious Boko Haram terrorists chased two young soldiers up a hill. They kept shooting at those poor guys, who despite one of them being hit, kept running and running. Lord have mercy. 

So many families have been thrown into mourning because they have lost their beloved forever as a result of lack of ammunition to fight back against terrorists while trying to save the rest of us. Gosh. I shudder as I recall that quite a number of soldiers were sentenced to death for mutiny and cowardice, before their sentences were overturned by the new government. How unjust is that? The poor dears got scared and rebelled because they knew they were ill-equipped to fight the beastly terrorists who always came prepared and well-armed. 

The blood of the victimized and oppressed are crying out for justice and I sincerely hope justice is what they will get. If Dasuki and his partners in crime are found guilty, I hope they rot in jail till the end of their days. 

Bomb Blast In Yola, Nigeria.

There are reports of a bomb blast in Yola, Adamawa State this evening. The bomb is said to have gone off at a motor park close to a market place. I will bring more details later. 

I cannot fathom how human lives have come to mean absolutely nothing to these brainwashed terrorists. It is saddening and terribly worrisome.

Bring Back Our Glory.

Last Friday, I took an impromptu trip to Ghana to sort out some personal stuff. I also really needed the long awaited, albeit short, rest which came with being in a different country and away from the hustle and bustle of Lagos. I got to the airport pretty early in the morning and was amazed at how hot it was within the airport at that time of the day. The air-conditioners were just not enough or functioning properly. The check-in, customs, immigration and boarding processes were made so tedious that I kept wondering why Nigerians make even the simplest of things so difficult for ourselves.

Accra in Ghana was a dream, their airport was cool and very clean with no hassles. The air outside was so fresh and devoid of stench, and the people were all so nice and courteous. I headed out to check into my hotel and went out for my appointment. Ghanaians are very lovely, warm and pleasant people (at least all the ones I met). 

I spent most of my time sleeping because I have had a rather long and stressful year and I have not really had any proper holiday at all in the past couple of years. I went out on Saturday to an amazing Nigerian bar and lounge called The Den. The owner was so lovely and one of the most hardworking people I have ever seen. You wouldn’t even know he owns the place because he was humbly attending to guests and also preparing the meals. I was served one of the tastiest meals I have ever had and you all know I am a foodie who loves to try new food always. He is simply an incredible chef. I will do a separate post on his lounge later because I took some pictures.

I somehow managed to leave both my phones and laptop back at the hotel when I went out to have lunch and I met all my stuff intact. What struck me the most about Accra was their road network. The roads were very wide, the traffic lights worked, the motorists OBEYED traffic laws without being pushed about (they all used their brains accordingly. (side eyes Danfo drivers and co.), there was no potholes on the roads. NOT ONE. I did not encounter one bad patch of road and all the inner roads were tarred.

As much as I loved and enjoyed my brief stay in Accra, it left me really sad for Nigeria as realization dawned on me that we have been left so far behind by other countries in terms of development and mental growth. Our mind-set is so backwards that it often scares me as I wonder when and how we will finally get things right in this wonderful nation of ours. It irks me that our leaders travel out to different countries yet they come back and carry on like its business as usual without the motivation to effect the positive changes and developments they see and experience out there. There was constant light in Ghana, the tap water was potable, the roads were good, the country was clean and the people polite and calm. Why can’t we have all of those here in Nigeria and more? Why must life be so hard for us?

I landed in Lagos on Sunday night as as soon as I disembarked from the aircraft, I felt like running right back to Ghana. The stifling heat and stench that hit me was thick enough to be cut with a butter knife. I soon discovered that the toilets doors in the passport control area had been left wide open. The few scattered air-conditions I saw were not blowing past a few feet from where they were placed and you would have to standing directly in front of them to feel the cool air. Can you picture about 3 or 4 airlines arriving at the same time and their various passengers having to go through Passport Control at the same time regardless of the heat and stench?

If small Ghana can get things right within they time frame they’ve had, why can’t we? All we need do is re-orientate ourselves and change our mindset. The government can do far more than they have done or are doing, to be honest. They can put decent infrastructures in place and run several orientation media campaigns which would cut across villages, towns. cities within each state. 

It saddens me that while a vast majority of Nigerians remain in denial and desolateness, the rest are just carrying on suffering and smiling. Read this article here where Nigerians are said to be unhappy with the rating of the Port-Harcourt airport as one of the worst airports in the whole wide world and are protesting the tags. How about you visit other places and see how things are meant to be before deciding if the tag was unwarranted.

I hope I live to see my dear nation Nigeria in her glorious fame as she should be and not keep beholding the mess that is her right now.  

Pictures source: Google

#DearBuki: She Cheated With Her Married Choir Member

Hello dear blog readers, how has your day been? I have started a column tagged #DearBuki where you can send whatever issues weighing on your minds and I would do my best to proffer solutions to them by giving my opinion and showing other perspectives to them. I do a lot of these guidance and counselling offline so I felt the need to bring it on my blog. Do send me an email on bukiotuyemi@gmail.com and we will put heads together. Check out the other posts here.

As they say, a problem shared, is a problem half solved................ :)

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Dear Buki,

I have some issues in my relationship on which I need your counsel.

I have this girl I am in love with. We met during our NYSC. I was already working for the company I was serving as a trainee Engineer. She just finished serving and was employed as a surveyor. We fell in Love after two months of working together. We have been together for a couple of years now. I now realize that everything I have done in the past few years, I have planned around her.

The problem is, she is emotionally fragile.

There is this married man in her church she started getting close to. Apparently they are in the choir together. I warned her about how close they they were getting, but she promises the man is like a mentor. Then I started noticing the hushed tones when she is on the phone with him. I saw the new found intimacy, confronted her and everything. She denied, but I was not the type that raises issues if I wasn't sure of what I was saying. Then she started going to sleep in this man's house. When I discovered, she cried and told me she had a thing for the man and was looking for a way to discharge him. I decided to oblige her. She told me the man was moving his family to the States and that that was the opportunity she was looking for as she planned to cut off all communications. When he left, I noticed they were still in constant communication. I confronted her, she told me the man wouldn't let her be.

Now the man is back from the States and will be going back soon to join the family. My woman doesn't sleep in her house or mine again. She has been sleeping at this man's and lying to me she wants to stay alone in her house for a few weeks. I just figured this out two days ago.

wow.

When she noticed she had been found out, she called to come home and see me. I decided to pull a stunt. I place a condom beside my bed where I knew she would see it. When she saw it she cried for 2 hours, begging that she has lost me .

She was crying because she knew that I had never cheated on her since we met. She then told me that she is helplessly in love with this man and doesn't know what to do. I was like ’he is married and will be leaving for the states finally, why would u throw away ur own relationship for that?’

She wants to keep me around. But how can a girl tell me she is in love with a married man and still want me around?

We have been through things I cannot even describe. I am sorry, I don't know how to shorten my words.

I want to help this girl. She is fragile, falls for cheap affections. She might hurt herself. What do you think?

Thank you.

Ikechukwu

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Dear Ikechukwu,

Hmmmmn. I will call this situation as i see it. She clearly wants to eat her cake and have it back. Well, she IS already eating the cake (aka married man) and wants it back (you). It appears to me like you are being used by this girl. She is blackmailing you emotionally. She has told you she is shagging a married man and is in love with him, YET she wants you in her life. As what, if I may ask? As an assistant boyfriend or as a male bestie? How was she even sleeping in his house while his family was there, as she claimed? I'll bet he was lodging her in hotels. 

Look, I would say you should leave her be for now until she knows what exactly it is she wants. Let her choose between yourself and the man. She can't have both of you. She knows you have been faithful to her for years, yet she has been cheating and lying YET she still wants you. She's messing with your head. Ask her to choose and/or give you some space. You also need to reflect on all that has happened but you will not make a clear decision if she's around you shedding tears and all that.

The only reason I am asking you to give her a choice is because you say you love her, otherwise i would have advised you outrightly to walk away .

Ask yourself these questions: is she genuinely sober and apologetic for cheating on you? Is she repentant for shagging a married chorister and for hurting you? Is she willing to wholeheartedly forget the past and move on to a better and 100% faithful future with you? Are you willing to overlook her indiscretions and never use her mistake to taunt her and hurt her when you argue? Can you get past it?

I wish you all the best.

Thank you.

Buki O.