Pranks Are Us.

LOL, the picture above is wickedly hilarious. I used to be like that, so full of mischief and pranks but I have sort of toned things down a lot since I realized that my daughter got a chunk of my genes. Sigh. That girl is something else, she's like three going on 40!!!! Very naurry geh, indeed with a brain and body packed with that part of my genetics. So I'm keeping things real and straight around her, because she's cheeky enough to refer to my shenanigans as an excuse to get away with hers. (hopefully, she won't read this post until she is well above 18 years because I know she might use it against me, cheiiii!)

I cannot finish recounting the mischief my brothers and I got up to while growing up.I was a proper tomboy with an overload of that stubborn Ekiti gene in me and in hindsight now, I often how my mother coped with FIVE of us. Nigerian mother were built rock solid, trust me.

A particular prank I recall my brothers and I pulled back then almost cost a life. My dad is a car lover and he goes all out when he sees any car of his choice. He treasured his cars so much that even as young as we were, we knew better than to mess about with his cars. That week, he had just bought a brand new Metallic Ash Benz 230 which he parked in all of its glory in the garage. On this fateful day, my brothers and I got back from school, had our lunch, watched some tv before Nepa struck then decided to "visit and admire" my dad's shiny new car. I can't even recall how it was that we were home alone without the maid or my mum or older ones. I do recall how we ran our grubby little fingers all over the car, peering in through the windows and wishing we could ride in the plushness of it. Suddenly, one of us popped open the boot and voila, it was unlocked.

The interior of the boot was stunning, with lush carpets laid and that intoxicating brand new factory smell taking over our senses. I cannot recall whose idea it was but we decided that one by one, we would lie in the warmth of this lushness, lock ourselves in and then let ourselves out! *covers face, we were young and adventurous o* I got in first, was locked in, reveled in the beauty of the interior of the boot briefly, and then was let out almost immediately. My youngest brother did the same and we let him out as well. Then came the turn of my other brother and the tide turned.

He got in, we locked him in and when we tried to open the boot, we realized that it had sort of jammed!!! It just wouldn't open. We tried everything we could but alas, our dear brother was locked in and freaking out badly. We began to panic and rushed inside to see if we could find my dad's car keys. The entrance door to my parents' side of the house was locked and then we started crying helplessly. I remember saying a quick desperate prayer to God for a miracle and afterwards had a eureka moment. You see, especially for those who know how Festac houses are styled, if you get on to the veranda by the living room upstairs, there's usually a window that leads into the Master bedroom corridor. I dragged my kid brother over there, tried the window and it was open! We scrambled over and miraculously, my parents' room was unlocked. I was so overwhelmed with relief as we searched for the car keys, found them and dashed downstairs to the garage. By this time, my brother was already besides himself in the boot. He was frantically banging on the door, cussing me brightly and crying. We hurriedly used the key to open the boot and out he flew, landing me a very hot slap. I didn't mind or even feel the slap. I hugged him, grateful that he was alive. It was a scary experience that I've never been able to get out of my mind (not that it stopped me from playing more pranks, albeit less dangerous ones. Hehehe) and till date, my brother remains claustrophobic.

I really hope my children won't get to as much mischief as we did and even if they try to, I sincerely pray God will watch over them and keep them safe for me.

The thing about trying to slow down on my cheeky side is that I miss the old me and apparently so do those that knew that side of me. I guess the only constant thing in life is change afterall. ;)

The Best Place To Be Today!!!!!

If you're not at the BarEnclave today, you're on a long thing. Yes I said it! :)

Let me tell you why I said so though. BarEnclave is not just a bar/joint/pub/whatchamacallit, BarEnclave is a Culture. I first found about it a couple of years ago via twitter and I loved the warmth of it from the onset. Whether you like it or not, BarEnvlave is both the official and unofficial twitter hangout place. The place has a good history and a great feel about it.

What makes BarEnclave even more priceless for me is the passion and dedication with which Muyiwa and his brother, run the place. When I think about Muyiwa, I think hardwork, dedication, passion, caring and AllHeartsAlways. His heart is in the right place and his goals and dreams are valid. It's rare to see a business owner who genuinely cares about his clients and reaches out to them. 

To have run a business in Nigeria successfully for six years is no easy task especially with the power problems and investing most of your profits in purchasing generators and fuel. The chaps at BarEnclave have stood firmly despite all the challenges they've been faced with over the years. Way to go guys. 

This post would be incomplete without my mentioning the awesome and legendary barbecue BarEnclave offers. I don't quite have the words to describe the "scrumptiousness" of this exquisite delicacy, so you'd best head out there this evening to try it out for yourself. And their drinks are always chilled, always!!!! 

BarEnclave is open daily and worth experiencing. You can follow them on twitter @BarEnclave and also follow their story by using the hashtag #EnclaveStories

Happy anniversary BarEnclave and a big shoutout to all its loyal and regular customers.

BlogFeature: HIV/AIDS AND THE TETRAD SOCIAL EVIL

 

Sarah has been having fever for some months, regular antibiotics and antimalarials seem not to produce any remarkable improvement. Occasional diarrhea makes her weak and feeble. She daily longs to be with her husband, Abubakar, a military man who was recently posted to Mubi (Adamawa, Nigeria) because of the activities of BokoHaram (BH). Sarah, mother of two, will not visit the hospital, let alone have a test done. Her reason she says, was personal! Days glided into weeks, weeks to months but her symptoms would not abate. A local Nurse who is also a friend broke her obstinacy and brought her to the hospital. History taking revealed husband’s occupation as military officer with over 10-years of service; one who visits his family once in six months and had a history of multiple sexual partners.

Thereafter, the doctor counseled her and requested a HIV test.  Immediately, the atmosphere became quiet and Sarah’s fear became palpable. She looked towards the Nurse and like a sheep to the slaughter, she was dumb! She tried to pull herself together but tears failed her. She knew she is HIV positive but the social implication of her status threatens her to the marrow. With tears she retorted, "Doctor, I cannot stand the shame and the rejection that my children and I will go through, my husband will obviously take another wife and my children will probably be forced out of school.” She cried and cried…

*********

Another world HIV/AIDS day is here and I think we need to spare some thoughts for innocent women like Sarah as they battle stigmatization, discrimination, neglect and ostracism alongside a positive HIV status. I need not tell you how HIV is transmitted because you know! I need not bother you on how the virus ruins the immune system because you are aware! I need not emphasize that AIDS has no cure because you are well informed! But I must bother you on behavior change towards victims of HIV/AIDS because it is a threat to pleasant relationships, economic privileges and social order!

Stigmatization is an act of putting negative distinguishing mark on people because of their experience. Just when you start referring to someone whose name you know as “HIV patient”, there and then you have started stigmatizing. It may be subtle at first but the societal implication is deep seated. It is a name no one wants to bear for obvious reasons. So when next you come in contact with people with HIV; give them a handshake, hug and reassure them, it will go a long way. The virus is not spread through casual contact!

Discrimination on the other hand is a social disadvantage placed on people with HIV. This is moving a step further; it puts a restriction on patients’ social participation and interaction. However, we need to be aware that, this action is capable of preventing voluntary disclosure of status. Loss of Job, employment difficulties, limitation of participation, restriction of travel, are possible channels of discrimination. That young qualified graduate that was refused an employment because of his HIV status is being discriminated against. That middle age woman whose visa will not be processed because she is living with the virus is being discriminated against.

Neglect by family and community members also constitute a social evil imposed on People Living with HIV and AIDS (PLHA). We've heard stories of husbands neglecting their spouse because of HIV and vice versa. Stories of extended family members denying bereaved mothers and children a living and livelihood because the breadwinner died of AIDS are common around us. Unavailability of antiretroviral drugs, lack of care and social support for AIDS orphan, PLHA, People Affected By AIDS (PABA) cannot be overemphasized.

The last strike and definitely the most severe is ostracism. Countless number of people have been sent out of their communities and abandoned in various leprosariums all over the country. This punitive measure meted against leprosy patients is gradually creeping into the way HIV/AIDS patients are being handled. Contrary to widespread myth however, HIV/AIDS is not ‘special’ because:

1. It is a chronic, incurable disease like cancer, hypertension and diabetes
2. It is blood borne like Hepatitis B and C virus
3. Sexually transmitted like Gonorrhea, Syphilis and Herpes
4. Preventable  like every other diseases of public health importance

Therefore, the paranoia and disgust associated with HIV/AIDS is baseless and unfounded. Truth be told, we will be doing ourselves a great deal of favor if we change our behavior towards HIV/AIDS victims. If we stigmatize them, they won’t own up to their status, this will lead to concealment of cases and ultimately to clandestine spread of the virus. If we discriminate against them, they will be furious and this can lead to vengeful spread of the virus. Whichever way, more people will become infected, the burden of the disease multiplies and more deaths ensue.

The UN secretary general Ban KI Moon says “stigma is a chief reason why AIDS epidemic continues to devastate societies around the world”.

Letz us not forget the increasing spate of insurgency around the world and its effects on HIV/AIDS ; Al-Qaeda, Al-Shabaab, Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS), BokoHaram etc, all tend to increase the number of internally displaced persons and refugees with disruption of family lives and homes, consequent upon this can be spread of diseases like HIV/AIDS.

The abduction of over 200 school girls in Nigeria over 7months ago with theories of them being married off to unknown men or the possibility of them being used as sex slaves is not only heartbreaking but pathetic especially if HIV transmission is found in the mix.

Time will fail me to talk about rape and forced marriages, whose victims are now suffering from HIV/AIDS. The sad episode may get worse, the frustration may escalates and the hopelessness may become irretrievable if we continue to stigmatize, discriminate, neglect or worse still ostracize these innocent souls. Our behavior must change and the time to start is now!  

Stop the Stigma, Don’t Discriminate, No to Neglect, Oppose Ostracism and End this social Evil. 

                                                                                                                            

Charles T. Olomofe (M.B.Ch.B) 
Health and Behavioral Change Advocate
charlesolomofe@yahoo.com
Twitter: @Chartol1 

N.B- The names in this article are fictitious-any coincidence is not intended.

Food For Thought.....

I wish a lot of people would read the article below with very clear heads and open minds. It is high time we stop operating in myopic manners and start viewing issues critically from different angles before taking conscious political decisions. While I am unsure as to whom my vote would go to when elections come, I sure know whom I won't be voting for.

I composed a draft a few days ago about something similar and then I received the article below this morning and saw some harsh truths in it which I believe people need to reflect deeply upon before condemning Buhari to uninformed damnation. Don't just read and digest this alone, share it as well.........

Read Professor Tam David West:

"Religion is a personal thing and every man has the right to choose his own, or practice it the way he likes. Most of the sycophants that use religion to defame the character of Buhari are not even practicing their acclaimed self righteousness. Many of them are occultists. They kill and conduct daily human sacrifices to remain in power. Buhari is a man of integrity and I respect him a lot. But because majority of those who have looted this country to poverty are afraid to end up in jail or loose their ill gotten wealth, they chose to fabricate lies against Buhari. They hire hungry and morally corrupted scholars to do the dirty jobs on their behalf.

It is quite unfortunate that Nigerians buy all the lies they trade through the media.

This is the only country where people prefer to believe in a hear say than make a research. Only a minute population of Nigerians are willing to investigate an allegation before they draw conclusions.

Nigerians have resolved to be praise singers to corrupt leaders. We have failed to ask for accountability. Our conscience has been beclouded with religious and ethnic sentiments. Our sense of judgement and reason have been blinded by poverty. We chose to mortgage our tomorrow and the future of our children for the rice and a few Naira notes they share during elections.

All we believe is the roads, the bridges, the railways, the electricity they build only on televisions.

I always ask my self these questions:

1. Where are the roads? The Abuja - Lokoja road was awarded by Obasanjo's administration. He spent 8 years in the office. Then Yaradua and Goodluck spent another 4 years. Now if Goodluck is elected, he will be spending another 8 years. This will amount to 20 years and 180 km road is yet to be completed. Enugu - Onitsha road was also awarded by the Obasanjo administration and till date, a journey that is supposed to take 45 minutes can take you 8 hours if it rains. Enugu- PH road is on the same series. What about Uyo - Calabar route? Just to mention a few.

2. Where is the power? They sold all the NEPA to their friends. We pay for the light that was not supplied.

3. Our education and health system go bad everyday. Lecturers and Health workers spent more time at home than in the schools and hospitals as a result of incessant strikes.

4. The government failed to provide us with security. People are being killed everyday and yet government comes out to tell us they are in control.

5. Why are we pretending that all is well? It is only in Nigeria where monies develop wings and fly. $20 billion oil money disappeared and they said it was $10 billion. Forensic investigators were hired and that was the end of the story. N20 billion pension fund stolen and nothing came out of it. $9.3 million seized in South Africa and government claimed it was meant for ammunition purchase. The immigration scandal has also been swept under the carpet because the senate could not proceed with their investigation. The man behind the contract is sitting among the high seats in the senate.

Innocent people were defrauded and they at the same time lost their lives yet, we have a transparent governance.

6. Why are we praising government as if they are doing whatever with their personal money? How many people in their various communities have they provided scholarship with their personal money before they got elected? The reason they got elected is to manage our resources and not to loot us dry. One thing I know is that we will not have any meaningful development except if we make a change. Age or no age, Buhari is a better option for the present day Nigeria"

#CupidOnDuty - Man Crush Friday

Single ladies, get in here ............... ;)

Family Is Everything - "A Promise to Rose" .

This is a short video of real life events, directed by Spike Lee, that will warm your heart as it emphasizes the importance of family and kindness. It's about how a remarkable young man, Teddy Bridgewater, made a promise to his hardworking mother and kept to his word years later.

According to Wikipedia, " Theodore Edmond "Teddy" Bridgewater II is an American football quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings of the National Football League. He was drafted by the Vikings in the first round of the 2014 NFL Draft. He played college football at Louisville."

Stolen Car Alert!!!!!!!!!

I woke up to read on Facebook that my friend Seyi George had his car, a silver color Toyota Matrix KJA 17 DF,  stolen from Oil Mill Street at Lagos Island a few days ago. It was very painful to read the message he put out in search of any information about the vehicle. I felt his pain because I've had someone close to me in a similar position before many years ago and it was really horrible.

In his words:

"When you buy a car 3wks ago and it's stolen, there are no words to describe the emotions. I bought the car for my madam. I borrowed it cos mine had a fault. I brought it to Lagos. I woke up and it was gone. I have no comprehensive insurance or security device on it. It took me 6months to pay for it. It's a silver colored Toyota matrix KJA 17 DF"

As much as you may want to berate him for not getting his insurance or personal car security sorted out prior, it doesn't take away the fact that he's been robbed of his hard earned money. There's a lesson here for us all. Please be on the look out for the car and kindly contact him or the police if you come across the car.

Thank you for being #AllHeartsAlways.

Freedom And Justice Came After 39 Years.

"Ricky Jackson, 57, looks skyward in a Cleveland courtroom after being released from his life sentence for a 1975 murder".

As incredible as this may sound, two wrongly accused men who have been behind bars for the past 39 years have just had the charges against them dropped. They were innocent after all these years and would regain their freedom officially this Friday. Ricky Jackson, 57 and Wiley Bridgeman, 60, were very young when they were convicted of the robbery and shooting to death of Harold Franks, a money order salesman. At the times, a 13-year-old child’s testimony led a jury to convict these two men and Wiley’s brother. It was not until last year that the witness, now 53 years old, recanted his testimony while saying that he was pressured by detectives back then to testify falsely.

As a matter of fact, Ricky Jackson was initially sentenced to death but due to a paperwork error, the sentencing was vacated. The brothers on the other hand were on death row until 1978 when the State of Ohio declared the death penalty unconstitutional.

"Source: WKYC, Wiley Bridgeman freed from prison after witness admitted to lying decades after testimony".

I cannot imagine the anguish these men and their families would have gone through all of these years, I mean after 39 years behind bar for a crime one did not commit, where exactly does one start from? I sincerely hope they get rehabilitated, counseled and properly compensated for the injustice meted out to them by the justice system. It makes me wonder how many people in such similar positions have died for crimes they did not commit. 

 This life is very often a rotten barrel of tomatoes.

Source: http://www.wrcbtv.com/story/27451044/ohio-men-wrongly-convicted-of-murder-after-39-years-released

What Is Truth To You?

What does truth mean to you? For me I would rather know the truth as plainly and harshly as possible than be lied to. Lies are a turn off for me and I believe and know they compound issues in the long run. I have never understood those that shirk away from the truth and bury their necks in the sand. I would rather know the exact situation of things than live in denial on a lie. 

Just like the picture above says, the truth isn't always pleasant and it would most likely piss you off most of the time. Nonetheless, I would rather know than remain in the dark at any given time and I would rather tell a truth to someone who asks for it, albeit diplomatically, than lie blatantly to make them feel good.

I've heard stories of people living double lives and I wonder just how they do it. I remember an incident back in my undergraduate days as a Jambite. There were a bunch of us lying around in the hostel when conversation got around to describing our dads fondly (Yes, I'm a daddy's girl). After a few minutes, I noticed that the description two of the girls were giving looked pretty similar and I pointed this out. This led to an exchange of a barrage of questions between them. Long story short, they had the same father and this smooth operator daddy of theirs had been playing both sides discreetly for years. Neither family knew about the existence of the other, as all the poor wives and children on both sides knew was that he was a very hardworking sales man whose job took him around the country a lot. It was not a pleasant discovery, needless to say, as the tears rolled freely and emotions were all over the place. It was a shocking incidence which changed their lives and perception of dear daddy forever.

 

I recall a movie I watched recently, Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit, about a young man who was covertly recruited by the CIA. As a result of the nature of his job, he couldn't tell his fiancee about the spy aspect and this, of course, led to lies upon lies. Naturally, she saw through his lies and endangered her life while trying to find out the reason for the lies. As it turned out, she was far more receptive to the truth than the build up of lies.

Telling the truth and hearing it is also a form of therapy towards forgiveness for most people. I, for instance, would rather hear the truth and work towards forgiving the culprit, work at making myself better and improving things generally than finding out I've been lied to (and I always find out eventually).

How important and effective is the truth to you?

As American Boils And Opportunists Rule

Indeed uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, because I have never seen President Obama look so downcast. It is really depressing to see things degenerating the way they are presently in Ferguson and around America over the Grand Jury's decision not to  charge Police officer Darren Wilson for the death of Michael Brown. The fact remains that these deaths are way too many to be a coincidence no matter how you look at it. These things have been going on for decades and I feel it is high time they are addressed. I wrote this post in July about a similar incidence where some policemen rough handled Eric Garner, a 43-year-old father and grandfather, put him in a chokehold from which he found it hard to breathe and despite telling them he couldn't breathe, they did not let him be until he died.

Racism is rife in most countries and I think it is time to call a spade a spade and not a tea spoon and address the issue. I've had my fair share of it and I can tell you it is not a pleasant feeling to know you are being victimized on the basis of your skin colour. Families cannot continue to lose their children because of trigger happy and power drunk policemen. The police are meant to serve and protect citizens, not harass and kill them. I most certainly would find it hard to trust any white cop seeing the damaging reputation the overzealous ones are gaining daily. It is a crying shame that in a town like Ferguson which is predominantly black, nine out of the twelve jurors were white. Little wonder the outcome of the verdict is as it is.

 

Having said that, I totally agree with Obama that violence is not the solution to this matter. By looting, vandalizing and burning establishments, we shift the focus from what it should be to something different. I can understand the anger and the need to vent but come on, how does looting stores and burning buildings help fight Michael Brown's cause? The thing about such revolutions clamouring for change is the fact that there is always the high chance of the protests being hijacked by miscreants who are only out to grab and loot from the stores they have been eying and lusting after prior. These ones often misrepresent the same race they are trying to make better as their selfish actions are what the media would pick on and showcase to the world. I remember how people shamelessly looted during the London riots a few years ago. I was gobsmacked as I watched everything crumble within the twinkling of an eye but I was mighty impressed that with CCTV footage, most of those thieving miscreants were brought to justice. Like President Obama said, "There's no excuse for violence and those who are only interested in violence and just want the problem to go away should realize that we have work to do".

Indeed there's a whole lot of work to do in bridging the gap of distrust between the white police force and the black communities. 

R.I.P Michael Brown.

p.s. The national and international support for Ferguson is pretty impressive and I hope it makes the desired impact.

Photo Credit: Twitter and Dailymail.co.uk

The Surprise of A Life Time

This video is an amazing one and it will melt your heart. A hardworking maid, single mother of three, but very selfless person got the surprise of her life.

I sincerely wish more people would get more life-changing surprises like this. It is the sort of thing I would do if I could, but nonetheless I do my bit now by being AllHeartsAlways and I know more people should. Enjoy and spread kindness and love this week. :)

The Glass Bridge.....

You've probably heard about the glass ceiling and how it affects the career woman's corporate growth. According to Wikipedia, "a glass ceiling is a political term used to describe "the unseen, yet unfbreachable barrier that keeps minorities and women from rising to the upper rungs of the corporate ladder, regardless of their qualifications or achievements." Trust me, this is not a myth but it defines real situations which many women have been faced with on the job. I would say I think things are much better for the womenfolk in recent times than before now in terms of cracking this glass ceiling. However, I still think we have a long way to go in breaking through these glass ceilings above us.

This post is not about the glass ceiling though but about what I call the glass bridge. What I term as the glass bridge is the dilemma women have to face in deciding whether to give up their careers entirely to cater to their family's needs or to juggle work and family life together. None of these decisions is easy for any woman, I'd tell you, especially in recent times where the economy is not healthy enough for a family to depend on one person's income alone.

Let's take a look at the woman who decides with her husband to stop working to raise the children. Mind you, more often than not, the decision doesn't even lie with the woman in question. Rather, it is thrust upon her without any choice. Such a woman would have to shelve her dream of a bright career to stay at home and raise the children. What with the nefarious characters of the maids out there, I can't even fault such women. What many do not realize however is that being a stay at home mother is not filled with leisure and rest, it is a whole lot to deal with.The amount of work they have to go through daily just to ensure the children are safe, fed and that the house is kept neat and tidy cannot be be overemphasized. Add to that the conjugal duties expected at night after a woman has gone through washing, cooking, bathing the kids, mopping the floors, etc.

There is also the fact that she gets to see her mates climbing the corporate ladder and bragging about it which hurts more when she knows she has better to offer than they are giving but her decision to stay back and raise the children restrains her.

Now let's look at the woman who chooses to balance being a wife, mother and career woman. It is not a walk in the park, I'll tell you. The need to want to thrive on the job and apply the knowledge and skills she possesses cannot be shelved entirely to be a stay-at-home mother. This doesn't make her any less of a mother because, the few times she gets to spend with her family during the week has her doting on them and correcting any moral errors that might have seeped in either from their schools, neighbours, or from the child minder in whose care they are left. Now to address the mental torture such a woman goes through by leaving her children in the hands of a minder while she goes to work would involve a lot of time, because it really does take a lot. Without a doubt, her mind goes out to her children several times a day wondering if they are alright, being taken good care of, if they have eaten, if they are hurt or crying, if they are being bullied, if they are not close to any electrical device or generally harmful objects, etc.

The list of things to worry about is rather lengthy, still she doesn't up and leave her job to physically go to see them. Rather, she develops a coping mechanism and places her mind over the matter. She puts several calls through during the day to allay her own fears, and she does all of these without losing focus on her job. More often than not, she gets home and heads straight into the kitchen to make dinner for herself and her husband, after which she heads into the bedroom to complete that duty.

Which ever of the above choices a woman makes, she loses a little bit of herself while trying to get the balance right, while trying to make a mark and leave her footprints in the sand of time. Life has never been easy for women, regardless of what delusional impression people may have. Take out time to look critically at the life of any hard working mother around you and you would be surprised by how much strength they carry around in ensuring peace and order around them.

The glass bridge is not so easy to cross and it's not easy not to cross it either. So long as it remains in the glass form which could translate to bearing the burden of  owning both a brain and a womb, it would never be an easy choice to make.

Have a wonderful week ahead and a big shout out to all the hardworking mothers out there.