#DearBuki: I Am Afraid To Get Married.

Hello dear blog readers, how has your day been? I have started a column tagged #DearBuki where you can send whatever issues weighing on your minds and I would do my best to proffer solutions to them by giving my opinion and showing other perspectives to them. I do a lot of these guidance and counselling offline so I felt the need to bring it on my blog. Do send me an email on bukiotuyemi@gmail.com and we will put heads together. Check out the first post here , the second one here , the third one here , the fourth one here and the fifth here.

As they say, a problem shared, is a problem half solved. :)

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Dear Buki, I am scared of getting married. My parents had a horrible divorce which left my mother, who got custody of us, a very sad and bitter woman. She really loved my father but they just could not work out their differences. They divorced when I was 14 years old and I am now 35 years and the pressure to settle down is so much but I just cannot bring myself to do so because I would not want to hurt anyone as badly as my father hurt my mother. 

Moreover, I lost the one girl that should have been my wife due to my carelessness and nonchalant attitude and I regret it till date. She has gone ahead to get married and have kids. I have been unable to hold meaningful relationships and even though I long to have someone to call mine, the events that happened in my parents' marriage still gives me nightmares till date. What can I do?

Thank you.

Daniel.

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Dear Daniel, listen to me carefully. YOU ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER OR FATHER. Yes, you have their genes in you but you cannot define your character or approach to life by theirs. Do not deny yourself of a lifetime of happiness by dwelling in the darkness that was your parent's marriage. I am really sorry you had to go through and witness their fights and whatnots, but trust me, you can become a far better person and you should resolve to be. Rid yourself of all bitterness and embrace the brighter side of life. 

It is imperative that you try to see a psychologist to help you work out the kinks in your past in order to have a better present and future. Shame about losing your ex but if it was meant to be, it would have been. Do not give up on love, but rather believe that the one for you is still out there waiting for you to get your act together and come get her. :)

I wish you all the best.

Thanks for sending your email and unburdening your mind on this platform.

Buki.