Kept Up By The Monsters They Created

This week has been one of the most trying weeks I've ever had to go through and trust me, I did not coin the user name @survivor17 without having really gone through some major stuff in life, but this week took the absolute biscuit. Between having three family medical near-crisis, the protests which eventually turned into an absolute nightmare and the president's awful speech last night, I think I was almost about done with everything.

Skipping the family medical near-crisis, while being EXTREMELY thankful for miracles as usual, I'll go straight to the protests and outcomes. 

I have not the words.

You see,  20-10-20 is the Black Tuesday we MUST NEVER forget in Nigeria and worldwide if we must be honest. What started as peaceful protests across the country in a bid to try to end or at least curb the insane police brutalities happening across the country especially in the Eastern and South western parts of the country, quickly spiralled into chaos and ended in sorrow, tears, pains, and blood.  💔💔💔😢😢 

All most of us wanted was for peace to reign and for young people to be able to live without the fear of being snatched randomly and tortured by the same SARS (Special Anti-Robbery Squad) that should otherwise have been keeping us all safe. Alas, some unscrupulous elements in the society chose to have war, unrest, blood and all the horrors of hell instead. A bunch of unknown yet heavily armed soldiers went to the toll gate in Lekki (Lagos State) and opened fire on UNARMED citizens who sat there singing the anthem and waving their flags. It felt like a full horror movie was playing out right before our very eyes. Thank God a brave young lady called DJ Switch was on scene to share the horror to over a 100,000 of us all via her instagram live. 

I have not the accurate words to describe the horror I saw and heard that night but I'll try. There were absolutely terrified but BRAVE people singing the National Anthem with trembling voices and just the national cloth-flags to protect them, people bleeding out from gunshots wounds while wailing in raw pains as the weeping but unharmed tried to prise bullets out of them with rusty pliers sterilised with sachets of cheap alcohol, people taking their very last breaths right before our eyes, some injured being carried to safer distances with the hopes that ambulances would arrive in time to save them, and so many more that I  I shudder to relive now. I watched it all LIVE on instagram. Lord!

It was the stuff nightmares were made off, that Black Tuesday.

How could any sane human being, let alone an elected government have ordered a hit on its own citizen, even moreso harmless ones? It beggared belief and still does. I simply cannot wrap my head around it all. I was shaken to my very core and absolutely broken by what I witnessed. They didn't even let ambulances through to help the injured for hours, still they kept shooting at intervals till morning. It was horrific.

By the next morning, naturally tempers were flying all over the place and people came out really angry and started targeting certain establishments they felt were owned by the person they assumed was behind the attack. I mean they didn't just start attacking his supposed businesses but they were practically lured and goaded into doing so by some cowardly instigators who fed off the chaos. It felt like a scene out of a zombie movie as people came out in droves to destroy and burn properties of anyone with perceived affiliation with the government. 

The larger end result of this were miscreants and hoodlums (read this piece which I wrote SIX years ago) who had clearly had enough of the economic divide and situation in the country over time also joining in the melee and as such gave way to murder, arson, jail breaks, looting, destruction, sexual abuse, robbery, and every other evil you can think of. A lot of this occurred regardless of the curfew imposed by the governor of the state. People went stark raving mad and acted like monsters who had had a taste of rare human blood and longed for more. 

I couldn't stop crying for two days, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. I was numb. How could this happen to our beloved nation despite all we have tried to do over the years to keep things on track and make them better?  😰😰😭😭😭

I started to feel a bit better yesterday evening after I got two funny caricature videos. They cracked me up and I was glad I was able to laugh amidst the despair. This however only lasted for a short while until I saw a fresh video from that Black Tuesday night. It sent me spinning into near depression as I relived the horror afresh and broke out into a cold sweat while quelling panic attacks. 

You see the things about all I've written about is that it isn't even close to half of what I have been through this week at all but I will move on to the last bit which was the president's speech last night.

Per the speech, I absolutely do not have the heart nor words to fully describe the emotions that went through me before, during and after it. Oh wait, scratch that last bit, I know what I went through after it and it was a firm resolve not to wail in despair but to restrategize my outlook on life and a sweet sense of comical hysteria because if I had not chosen to find humour and laughter in my pains and anguish last night, I would have completely lost it.

So here I am, another night of being unable to sleep at all for fear of flashbacks from that Black Tuesday and absolutely frightening nightmares for when I do drift off. I keep wondering that if I feel as awful as I do now, how are those BRAVE ones who stood firm in the face of death feeling now? We all need counselling as a nation but that's another story for another day.

I want to say God bless Nigeria but even my tired is tired. 😓

I wish us all well and I pray the souls of the dead find the rest they require after they seek justice out. 🙏🙏🙏

Keep being #AllHeartsAlways in all you do and where you find yourself. 💖💖💖