Advertise On Buki's Blog

Advertise On Buki's Blog
Contact: bukiotuyemi@gmail.com

Sunday, 15 October 2017

Shades Of Sexual Harassment.

Producer Harvey "Fleabag" Weinstein
You have to be living under a rock if you have not heard of the latest Hollywood scandal involving a famous mogul, Harvey Weinstein and the numerous famous women and men whom he subjected to sexual harassment and threats over many years. This weasel harassed so many upcoming and known actresses in the industry and even went as far as stalling/destroying the careers of those who did not succumb to his lecherous advances. 



In the past two weeks, there have been a new actress coming out almost everyday to share her own ordeal in the hands of this seemingly perpetual horny and nefarious man. His modus operandi was the same as he would lure actresses with a professional meeting to discuss an important script and then promise them a juicy part in the new movie before making a move on them. For most, he would ask that they let him grab their breasts and kiss him a little, while for others, he would just grab away or drag them to sit on his laps, atop his erect penis. Bear in mind that some of these ladies were pretty young when they had these encounters with him. This Harvey fellow is all shades of nasty and disgusting, a scum of the earth.

For those who rebuffed his advances, he would ensure they did not get any acting roles he knew about. He would threaten to destroy their careers, and destroy he did to some. I know that, because some of us are more strong-willed than others, there would be some actresses who fell for his trick and succumbed to his advances. I can only how ashamed they are feeling now, knowing that they fell for it while other fled from it. I can imagine their anguish and wishes that if only they had been more firm and assertive enough to rebuff his advances.

Well, his career and life is crumbling in fragments right about now as he has been voted out of his own company by the board, has his Lifetime Membership revoked by the Oscar Board, generally ostracised by almost the entire Hollywood community, checked into rehab, left by his wife and is no doubt legally going down for rape and harassment eventually. 



I have been a victim of sexual abuse several times in the past and even up till recently. Sexual harassment cuts across age and race, it's the same everywhere for most women. It seems to me that some men just feel they are wholly entitled to a woman's body by virtue of their positions or hold they have over women. The first time I faced street sexual harassment, I was only about 12 years old on my way home from the salon and these two men, in maybe their mid twenties, cat-called and heckled me until I ran all the way home, crying and distressed.

My first encounter with sexual harassment in the hands of a teacher was from when I was in secondary school. We had this silly lecherous Youth Corper teacher who made advances at me and I told him in plain and simple English that it was never going to happen because he was my teacher and meant to know better and also because I had zero interest in him, mores I was still a virgin at the time. Who could I have told that would have saved me from this monster at the time? No one! I was young, about 14 or 15 years old, and far away in boarding school. The one teacher I could have told that would have helped me was a no-go area because it was a known fact that she was seeing this same Corper-Teacher.

The fact that I turned him down made him angry and retentive to the point of punishing me in front of the class for a crime I did not commit. He flogged me hard in front of the class until my skin broke. I remained adamant and did not succumb. I threatened to expose him afterwards and he backed off my case.

Before I got into university, I had heard about teachers coercing students into having sex with them for marks and I had made up my mind never to succumb to such harassment. Little did I know the extent of what was about to come. I was in 100 level and in an examination hall writing a test when the first lecturer to harass me sexually made advances at me. Before you jump into insane conclusions, let me tell you what I had on that day because I have never been able to erase that memory from my mind. I had on a checked long-sleeve shirt buttoned up and I had a camisole beneath the shirt. I also had on a pair of denim capri-pants or shorts which were below my knee. So you see, I was properly covered up and was just minding my own business when i was set upon by this perverted man. 


All I did was look up when he came to stand beside my seat and he stared long and hard at me before whispering that he was mesmerised by my eyes. Alas, I couldn't hide my shock and disgust for him and he must have sensed it because he suddenly turned stone-faced. He got my name and matriculation number from my script and asked me to come see him in his office. I knew what he wanted and I avoided him for a while until I had no choice but to go to his office to hear him out because he kept sending people to fetch me until I went to his office. There and then, he made his intentions clearly known, with that underlying threat of informing me that my success as s student lay in his hands. He encouraged me to "weigh the merits and demerits of dating a lecturer as my grades could swing in my favour or against me". I was 18 years old at the time.

He was the first of very many more lecturers on my case through all the years I spent in undergrad school. There was at least a lecturer in every department within my Social Sciences Faculty, save for  the department of Demography & Statistics, asking and hounding me for sex. I felt I was the one with the problem, but it was not me at all. It was the grown up men, fathers even, who should have known better than to desire the students they were paid to teach and mentor. They were solely responsible for keeping their roving libidos in check, not I. I was frustrated beyond words all through but I remained adamant till I graduated.

This post has drained me emotionally so I will stop here and continue in subsequent posts about how I faced sexual harassment in EVERY school I've attended and how I NEVER gave in to a single one of those plonkers. It was hard, but if you are presently going through that at the moment, listen to me, if I could do without sleeping with my lecturers for marks despite the threats of failure they hung over my head, you can too. Stay strong.


Saturday, 14 October 2017

Indestructible Women, We Are.


This post was written by me early this morning and it came from a place of annoyance, bewilderment and courage at how little regard women get across the world. I read a tweet at me from a young man yesterday and he didn't believe the things women go through. He genuinely had no clue at our ordeals and wondered what made us so special. 

Then I read an obviously fictitious broadcast out loud to le hubbs that was so disrespectful, degrading and condescending to women it got even my SIX year old daughter saying "mummy, how can they say all that about women. They are lies and mean. Who wrote that?"



Let me dedicate this to all the ignorant doubting Thomas's out there who think they can walk all over women. Think again. 



I am a woman. 

I don’t know why my very existence scares you. 

I don’t know why it bothers you so much. 

Even to the point of trying to break me. 

To make and mould me into a submissive mess. 

To shape me to suit your purpose. 

Yet you wonder why I say we are oppressed. 

You genuinely do not get it that you are a part of our oppression 

I am a woman, a strong unbreakable woman. 

There are many more like me, millions more.

We were built to last, to conquer and to flourish. 

Flourish, we will for we are women. 

We are unbeatable and indestructible.

We grow everything we are given and those which we take.

We can help you grow and help you be far better.

I am a woman, a strong and powerful woman. 

I am going nowhere, none of us are until we say we are done.


Buki O.


Monday, 18 September 2017

Life Is Too Short Not To Leave A Solid Legacy Behind


Hi everyone, I know it's been ages since I posted but my life has taken turns even I never quite fathomed. Be that as it may, my heart is always on my blog here. I miss writing, researching, responding to #DearBuki emails, etc. 

I really do miss you all. 😊💝💝



A couple of days ago, I came across a piece of music that moved me to bits. I was driving, upset, very ticked off and super stressed out when this song called "Mercy" came on and for some reason I couldn't explain, it moved me to tears. I was so overwhelmed that I actually began to worship God and pray to Him, because He has been my rock throughout my life and the ups and downs that have come with it. 


The singer's raspy voice, the lyrics of the song, the passion with which he belted out the song and the overwhelming presence of God that I felt cannot be put succinctly into words. Today, I decided to go and search the song out on YouTube because I couldn't get it out of my head. After a short search, I found it and listened to several times. Next thing I knew, I felt the urge to go through the comments and see if there were others who felt deeply touched my the song the way I have been feeling.

Imagine my shock when I read from the comments that the young man who sang the song had passed away last December and was buried earlier this year. 😭😢 I couldn't believe what I was reading so I went to my Twitter timeline to ask and sadly, it was confirmed. Further research revealed that Will Adiks had been murdered by armed robbers/assassins as he got into PortHarcourt, Rivers State late last year. 


33 years old Will Adiks Adikibiayeofori was a song writer, gospel singer/rockstar. He was the first child of his parents and he had 5 siblings. He was shot on the 21st of December last year and lay in a coma for hours before passing away the next day. I haven't read yet that his killers have been caught or brought to justice. 

I had never heard of this young man until today but the legacy he left behind remains. I wondered how such a passionate singer who sang so beautifully and gloriously to the Lord could have been taken away so abruptly and cruelly. I've concluded that perhaps in crying for mercy, he found it in death. They do say the good ones don't last long on earth. 


What sort of legacy will YOU leave behind after you're gone? There is no better time to build a legacy for yourself than right away. Nothing is worth leaving unpleasant memories behind when you die. People will always remember how you make/made them feel, so do right by people ALWAYS. 

I hope where Will is right now, he is making beautiful music over there. Rest in peace young man and thank you so much for the lovely gifts of songs you gave to the rest of us. 🌹🌹🌹🌹


Monday, 4 September 2017

#BlogFeature: The Man And His Empire




Hello everyone, here is Vivian Beulah Igbokwe again, a consistently passionate writer who has been featured on my blog several times. Her articles and views are her own experiences and opinions and they are very interesting and enlightening. 

If you would like your written articles featured in my #BlogFeaturePost columns, kindly send them in to bukiotuyemi@gmail.com.


Enjoy. :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I want to remind (or probably educate) our governor, Rochas Okorocha, that empires never last; they usually self-destruct. Let him go back to history and refresh his memory - the Roman Empire, the first and second French Empire, the German colonial Empire, the British Empire, the Japanese; these used to be forces to reckon with in their time of rule.  For any of these that still exist, they are just a figment of what they used to be, both in resources and influences. Reason being that no man (or men) was ever created to cower under the oppression of another. Whenever he takes more than he can absorb, he rebels. Usually, it is bad for the oppressor. Aside the fact that slavery was going out of trade and a lot of people were speaking out against that evil, slave masters and plantation owners would tell you that it was getting increasingly expensive to quell slave uprisings.  The French revolution, a people's attempt to be free from social and economic oppression, would also serve to refresh his memory.

You know, Rochas got there and started suffering from amnesia. Of course, it has to be; if not how could he quickly forget how the people of Imo fought to see him become the governor? The story goes that some people refused to sleep and bathe for some three days or more to ensure that the election would not be rigged. It was an election victory that was celebrated beyond the borders of the sit. Now, he sits upon his throne and carries on with his agenda of oppression and frustration.

 

When he first came, he was the apple of our eyes. We believed our savior had come. He began to build roads; soon after the stories of suicides followed: Of how contractors would borrow huge sums from banks to construct roads and then our dictator would refuse to pay them. They thereafter commit suicide because the sums were much more than they could ever pay. A lot of us dismissed them as fabrications. Not long after, these same roads built by our messiah began to practically disintegrate. Now, the state of roads in Orlu and Umuguma are worse off than they used to be before Rochas began his road constructions. MCC, formerly a clean and well tarred road is now a mess. The same can be said of Weathral, Amakohia and several roads in the state before he began his road expansions. He begins to build a road, abandons it and goes to another. The road contractors begin to dig drainages along a street, they begin from a point, jump some distance, continue to dig; as such the drainages are not continuous and so water logs all the time in our drainages. Mosquito breeding is now on an outrageous level. Everywhere is dirty, stinky and now like the case of a mad house.

Nobody expects a messiah in a governor, however, every leader should be able to contribute their bit and make things a little better than they met it. Rochas has destroyed the beautiful and clean city we used to have. The worst is that people outside Imo assumes that we are living in heaven. I have a friend who would die defending Rochas. Yet, he lives in Abuja. How many people have the emergency response centers helped? How many people has he gainfully employed? How many roads did he build that are still in good standing? How many hospitals did he build in the different LGAs in Imo are functioning? (Can someone please educate our dictator that empty structures are never called hospitals. Buildings become hospitals when there are medical personnel, medical supplies and equipments, and all other auxiliary staff required to make a hospital run effectively.) How many skill acquisition sites built in his wife's name are functioning? How many roads, road dividers, and artificial fountains has he built and destroyed because he wants to build something else? How many structures has he built that are unused in Imo in State? If you come to IHOP, you see a lot of unused halls constructed. The Imo shopping mall that was constructed with mullions of naira lies there in waste. Our governor is busy but doing what? He is spending tax payers' money on useless constructions upon constructions. "Rochas is working."

So then, our governor in his first tenure makes education free up to tertiary level. In what part of the world is university education free? How do you fund such an unrealistic project?
A few months ago, he embarks on expanding bank road. So he breaks down the fountain falls at government house junction, breaks down all the road dividers, and breaks down all the walls of the banks along the road. Didn't he know he would expand that road before spending millions to build the fountain falls, the Douglas souvenir building that is now being destroyed by rainfall and the road dividers? Oh yes, Imo is now in the hands of a mad man who wakes up today and feels like breaking down a street, he goes ahead and does that. Tomorrow, he feels like building it and does just that. No plan, just wastes upon wastes. Now, he's done expanding the road, the traffic situation along that road is even poorer. People drive recklessly because the road is too wide and they are trying to maneuver the numerous potholes. Banks can't even put up their walls to reinstall their ATMs because the confused government who razed down their walls is asking them to pay a huge sum before reconstructing them. Is something not terribly wrong?

Why is everyone quiet? The State House of Assembly members and State Commissioners are just ghosts. They don't exist. We don't know if Imo state has such officers. In fact many people do not know the name of the deputy governor of the state. The voices of the Ezes (Kings of autonomous communities) of the lands have been mysteriously silenced. No one coughs. We only know our governor and the chief of staff who was formerly the commissioner for works, Uche Nwosu, the governor's son in-law. The moment he was made commissioner for works, all the C-of-O's in our state were revoked. So people began to pay again for properties that were already theirs. Once he was done enriching himself through that glorious project, he became the Chief of Staff. Praise God! And even so, each Christmas, while workers are hungry, our dictator spends hundreds of millions on street decorations and concerts. In fact, the only time I heard about the Speaker of the House was sometime in the news, on YouTube actually, where I watched him shield our dictator as a Biafran protester hurled insults at him. Of course, he wasn't speaking anything as the Speaker of the State House; he was doing the job of a security man. What can he say, when the dictator has sealed everyone's lips? There are no projects being done by the commissioner of works, or of education, or of youths and sports, or of any office for that matter. All we know is that "Rochas is working."

You see, we are Africans. We are a people of traditions and cultures. There are markets, market days or particular structures that are symbolic to us. Thus, our dictator without consulting the community, decides to relocate an age long market to a new unfinished and swampy site, where a woman who sells pepper along the road will rent a shop from his government or pay two million to buy it, not forgetting the numerous market levies that would be introduced. The worst part of it is that the New Market isn't even fully constructed and has a very serious issue of water logging. While in the keke on the Sunday morning after the demolition, a young man said that the demolished market is not in the master plan of the state and I nearly ate him alive. So what is the in the master plan? The hunger and frustration he daily causes people in this state? The potholes ridden roads? The floods? The haphazard drainages that are causing floods in this state? The indigenes who extorts from people under his watch? The continual slashing of salaries? The continual bringing down and reconstruction of structures irrelevant to people's sufferings? The comatose state of our school, legal and health systems in Imo? Which is in the master plan? This is a repeat of what took place when he began to destroy buildings last year to construct roads. We began to hear of suicide and the resultant increased crime rate. My hearts bleeds for our people.

I do not blame our sons and daughters who are still in his employ - especially the funny road contractors ( oh yes, they are funny. You need to see what they do in the name of road construction). I blame hunger and lack of employment. It's now a case survival. A contractor who haven't had a contract all year accepts to bring down people's source of livelihood or begin to construct a gutter he knows he would stop midway and thereby creating breeding sites for mosquitoes. I hail all of them as I hail the dictator. When we are asked to pray for leaders like him, I just know that prayers are wasted on him.

But just like I said earlier, let him go refresh his memory; Hitler finally went home. People get tired at some point. Empires crash. We have an Igbo proverb which says, “if one person cooks for the community, the community can finish the food but if the community cooks for one person, he can never finish the food." Let him take purgatives. People and history will serve him food one day.


Vivian Igbokwe wrote from Owerri.

Sunday, 30 July 2017

#DearBuki: How Can We Be Lovers If We Can't Be Friends?


Hello dear blog readers, how has your day been? I have started a column tagged #DearBuki where you can send whatever issues weighing on your minds and I would do my best to proffer solutions to them by giving my opinion and showing other perspectives to them. I do a lot of these guidance and counselling offline so I felt the need to bring it on my blog. Do send me an email on bukiotuyemi@gmail.com and we will put heads together. Check out the other posts here.



As they say, a problem shared, is a problem half solved................ :)


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Dear Buki, good afternoon. Please I need your advice on a situation I am in at the moment. There is a guy I have had a crush on for over a year now but he did not appear to notice me much. We attend the same university but he is a level ahead of me. I thought the feelings I have for him would pass but they remain. He does not seem to notice me besides a short greeting of "hello, how are you?" every now and then. He has a lot of female friends but I don't think he has a girlfriend.


About two weeks ago, he started following me on twitter and we have been gisting every day since then. He says he is presently single but not willing to commit to a relationship but he wants me to be intimate with him. I really like him because he is funny and really suave but I think he is not as intelligent or nice as I assumed he is. I don't know what to do about this, whether to follow my head or my heart.

What would you advise Dear Buki?

Thank you.

Bothered Debbie.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Bothered Debbie,

"but not willing to commit to a relationship but he wants me to be intimate with him", that is called wanting to eat your cake and having it right back with some buns on the side. You seem really smart and I believe you know exactly what you should do. If you aren't on the same emotional page as another person, why give your heart and body to them? Unless you are willing to take a chance on lust love, I would advice you to remain friends with this fella and not get intimate with him.
Above all, you must face and focus on your studies. True love will find you and you would be glad you followed your head in the end.

All the best.

Buki O.


Friday, 28 July 2017

Our Boys Have Been Freed!!!!





There are no words apt enough to describe how elated I feel since I heard that the six kidnapped Igbonla students have been freed after over 60 days in captivity. The young boys were kidnapped from their school premises on the 25th of May and despite efforts to get them back sooner, they have only just regained their freedom from the den of the nefarious kidnappers.

The boys were released somewhere in Ondo State and are now at the Ondo State Police Command Headquarters in Akure, Ondo State.

I am glad they were released and would soon be reunited with their families and loved ones. I hope our government has adequate medical care in place for them because I cannot even begin to imagine the physical and mental state they are presently in, the poor lads.

What a happy ending to such an ordeal which lasted over two months.*side eyes the stupid kidnappers and our government*

Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Envy My Envy, Not!



Hi everyone, how are things going on with y'all? I know, I know, I have been MIA but it's all for a greater good. I apologise for my erratic writing of late and I really am working on rectifying this. I miss writing and I miss you all. Special shoutout to my dedicated blog readers and visitors, who check in here daily, post or no post. Muah. I'm still here for y'all. :)


Today I want to ponder on why people envy others to the point of pulling them down either verbally, physically or even financially. Often to the point where they gloat when a misfortune befalls the subject of their envy. Envy is defined as that feeling of resentment or dissatisfaction which is evoked by longing for the possessions or qualities of another person. When you strongly desire what someone else's has up to the point where you resent the person for having this item or qualities which you don't have, then you have been consumed by envy and this is never healthy for you.


The way this life is set up, there will always be that person who is better dressed, better coordinated, more eloquent, most beautiful or handsome, more vocal and funnier, richer and more powerful than you. The sooner you process that and comes to terms with the realisation of it, the better for you. Envy knows no gender, race, religious bias nor age, for it cuts across all borders. 

Often times, if you don't nip envy in the bud, it grows deep roots which could end up choking you. I recall a horrifying story that happened in Lagos a few months ago about a teenage school boy who got envious of his new classmate's academical achievements and plotted to kill her. He actually laid his hands on some acid from the school's chemistry laboratory (don't ask me how this happened, Naija is well, Naija) and poured it into the girl's drinking bottle! Thankfully, he was spotted by a couple of his other classmates and was ousted. Such is the depth of hurtfulness, madness and depravity that envy can send you spiralling down into if you don't curb it.

Some of the things that could trigger envy are a lack of contentment, pride (stemmed from falsely believing you deserve more than the other person and often comparing yourself to others. There are ways in which you can rid yourself of envying other and some of these are by embracing a life of gratitude with whatever you have while seeking to better yourself inwardly and outwardly, by being completely honest with yourself, by resisting the urge to compare yourself with others in such a way that will stir up envy and strife within yourself.

Learn to pass compliments to others without barbed edges in your words. Just let the good stuff come out of your mouth and move on, no need to let envy cause you to spew additional and unnecessary words after you've said something nice to people. 

Remember that envy consumes, so don't let it get you.

Have a prosperous day ahead.  











Friday, 14 July 2017

Their Lives Matter Too


Hello everyone, here is Robert Ogbogu, a passionate writer who is being featured on my blog for the first time. This write up of his comes from a clear place of pain, empathy and hope. Do enjoy and join us in our demand to bring back our kidnapped boys. 


If you would like your written articles featured in my #BlogFeaturePost columns, kindly send them in to bukiotuyemi@gmail.com.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                    
How long is enough? How long will our children be in servitude? And how long will parents wait to be reunited with their sons? It is over 50 (FIFTY DAYS!!!!!) days today since families were met with an unsolicited prominence of some sorts; a kind of prominence and limelight recognition that most of us wish not to be associated with. A kind of recognition that can be likened to gravel in the mouth or more like being left in the cold with no blanket or fire tools to keep warm.


Frankly, words cannot bring to realism the trauma and psychological breakdown that the parents and guardians of the six kidnapped students of Lagos State Model College, Igbonla will be going through right now. It is just nerve wrecking to think about it, how much more when we are the ones in the situation. Really spine-chilling to boot.

Writing this article brings to mind a real life event my mother told me not so long ago. As a new born baby, after my dedication in church, it seem as if I was everyone’s favorite; I would be passed around from hand to hand until the end of service. But it happened that on this fateful day, I was nowhere to be found. The pastor first made the announcement for the member carrying me to take me to my mother. Nothing happened. When it was getting to the end of service and there was no trace of me… what seemed to be a joke had turned into panic.

Well, to cut the story short, a member carried me to see off a friend she invited to church. That was how I was safely returned to my mother. Now for some other mothers in the church, naturally they will show their concern and sympathy, but not the way my own mother would feel it. Obviously, the whole incident must have sent shock waves to my mother. At that moment, so many thoughts will come to mind and even envelope her. That is to show how real and mind boggling events can turn us to be maniacs especially when we are the persons directly involved.

Has anything happened to any of your siblings, friends, colleagues or relatives that made you to briefly lose contact with them? Well, while you try to recall, just bear in mind that some families are going through some unspeakable trauma every day when they wake up from sleep with the reality of their abducted children staring them in the face and their safe return looking very bleak and uncertain.
The day we start failing and dying as a nation and as individuals is the day we start weighing and analyzing lives that are more important or top priority than others. When that happens, it simply implies that the founding fathers of this great nation made a grave mistake by trying to instill the tenets of equality, equity, justice, freedom and security for all the citizens of this great nation.

Yes, we have seen cases where the abducted relatives of the rich and famous in the country were released within twenty hours of their abduction. And yes we have seen the culprits brought to book and the abductors face the full wrath of the law. This simply means that a whole lot can be done in the case of the abducted school children. This is not a time for the blame game session amongst security agencies, showing nonchalant attitude or using the media as a tool to raise false hope.

Truly, this is not a time to stack it up with the rest of other piled up missing cases but a time to show pragmatic approach and explore different angles and options. The families of the kidnapped deserve to see their children and have them returned safe and sound. They deserve the right to be kept abreast with vital information on the turn of event, and they deserve the hope of going to bed each night knowing that the security agencies are really exploring all options in the release of their children.


We may not know these families directly neither do we know what the abductors school children will turn out to be. But one thing remains certain: if we keep looking the other way when events like this happen, how  much time will it take before one of your own is abductors and everyone gets to act like nothing happened too.

As a nation, we can do better because every life matters.  #FREE6LagosBoys



Ogbogu is a Fellow at Civic Hub, Lagos. Connect with him by email locate@civichub.com.ng  or ogbogurobert@gmail.com  Twitter: @OgboguRob