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Friday, 9 December 2016

#DearBuki: Did Hubby Lie About His Fertility?

Hello dear blog readers, how has your day been? I started a column tagged #DearBuki where you can send whatever issues weighing on your minds and I would do my best to proffer solutions to them by giving my opinion and showing other perspectives to them. I do a lot of these guidance and counselling offline so I felt the need to bring it on my blog. I know it's been a while since I shared some but I have been responding to them offline and not had time to post them on here. Do send me an email on to share your burdens and we will put heads together. Check out the other posts here.

As they say, a problem shared, is a problem half solved................ :)


Dear Buki,

My husband has hurt me in the worst possible way and I don't know what to do about it. We got married 4 years ago and we were so much in love. I told him all about myself before I committed to the relationship from the onset. I told him I'd had  a child prior and he did not mind at all. He's shown my son so much love that it is hard to believe he is not the real father. He also told me he had been married briefly in the past but the marriage didn't produce any children.

Well, as soon as we got married, we started trying for a baby immediately. I have been subjected to all sorts of ridicule and mockery from his side of the family and from our society as a whole but I stayed strong and endured, assured that one day I would get pregnant again. I have gone through all sorts of tests so imagine my shock when I bumped into my husband's ex-wife and she spilled, out of pity, that my husband is infertile and can never have kids from his loins. She went ahead to let me know that all his family members are aware and they still 'persecuted' her for it while they were married. 

I was shocked to my bone marrow and I could not believe it so I got home and confronted him. He denied it and so I insisted we call a family meeting and also go for tests, both of which he has refused to get involved in. Buki, I am broken and angry at the deceit especially as I have been treated so unfairly. I don't trust him anymore and I am not sure if I can ever love him as I used to.

Please I need to hear/read your thoughts on my dilemma.

Thanks you.

Gullible Gloria


Dear Gullible Gloria,

I am so sorry for your pain and anguish, as I felt the emotions from the tone of your email. I think you need to take deep breaths, step back and reassess the situation. It appears to me like you've already given your verdict and concluded based on hearsay. Yes, it's hearsay from his ex-wife until the test results prove otherwise or you get a proper confirmation from him or his family members, so you need to calm down and don't weigh yourself down with this just yet, if at all. You need a clear head and an open mind to deal with this situation.

Appeal to him softly but assertively about going for further fertility tests together and let him know how this is affecting your relationship, feelings and marriage. If he still insists then I think you should get someone from his side of the family, someone elderly and honest, to share this with and see if you can get clarity from them. 

Even though they say there's no smoke without a fire, I have seen a fair share of vindictive ex-es to know that you cannot place your entire marriage on a scale set up by an ex-spouse. Don't be gullible by believing and reacting based on hearsay. Dig deeper for the truth of the matter before you take decisions.

I wish you all the best Gloria.


Buki O.

1 comment:

  1. Hmmmmm...So so sorry that you had to find out from his Ex. The Information you have now is A FACT, but you want to discover the Clinical Truth, Question is, 'If it is the truth nko...?'
    I know its a painful experience that he hid this BIG matter from you at the onset. But don't you think he was afraid he might loose you from the onset? Has he ever failed you in his husband duties? Didn't you say he Loves your son Just as if he was is own?

    In the the pursuit of what seems the obvious do you want to destroy your marriage and rob your son of the Fathers Love and opportunity another man has given to him without measure?
    Perfect Love casts away all fears and covers a multitude of sins.

    To Forgive is divine. Go to your Husband and tell him even though he hurt you you have forgiven him because of the Love you both share. Do this and watch what the miracle of forgiveness and Love will do to your home and marriage.

    Not only will there be a divine turn around on every side, including from the in-laws, God will also make you both fruitful.
    Lastly, ' The Wise Woman Builds Her Home...The Foolish Tears it Apart'

    1 Timothy 4:15 - King James Version
    Meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them; that thy profiting may appear to all.


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