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Sunday, 28 February 2016

#DearBuki: The Corper Seduced Me, I Must Tell My Wife!

Hello dear blog readers, how has your day been? I have started a column tagged #DearBuki where you can send whatever issues weighing on your minds and I would do my best to proffer solutions to them by giving my opinion and showing other perspectives to them. I do a lot of these guidance and counselling offline so I felt the need to bring it on my blog. Do send me an email on and we will put heads together. Check out the other posts here.

As they say, a problem shared, is a problem half solved................ :)


Dear Buki,
I'm in a mess. I have been married for five years and not once have I cheated on my wife until a few weeks ago. There's this pretty young corner at my office who got very friendly with me and even though I tried so hard to to resist her charm, I eventually succumbed to her green lights. I feel wracked with guilt at what I have done and what is even worse is the fact that I did not use a condom with her. I did not plan to have sex with her and even though she said she had some condoms at her place, she refused to let me use them on her and I was too far gone with lust to back out. 

I have tactfully avoided her since the incident and also avoided my wife in the bedroom too. I feel so guilty that I can't even eat well nor concentrate at work and at home. My wife is kind but very independent and I honestly don't know how she would react to this. I don't know what to do Buki. Please help me, I wrote in because I know you won't judge me and I trust your counsel. 

Thank you.
Philandering Phillip 


Dear Philip,

I would be factual with you but non-judgemental. It's a pity that you have gotten yourself into this avoidable mess. You had the option of telling your wife about the corper when the flirtations began  so she could help you out, but you did not. You had the choice of not going over to her place knowing the attraction you nursed, but you went anyway. You had the opportunity to resist the moment you realised there was no condom, but you carried on. You brought this upon yourself Philip,but it's ok. We are all human and we make errors in decisions. 

I only highlighted the above for others to see the signs and know when to stop.

I feel you are truly sorry and contrite about your dilemma and ordinarily I might have said what your wife doesn't know won't hurt her if this was a one-off, but you strike me as someone who cannot live with the guilt. Therefore, I would first advise you to go see a doctor and run tests to be sure you are infection-free before having a sit-down with your wife.

If your results comes back clean, I would advise you sit her down and confess to her, making her see that it was a one-off error that would never occur again. It is better for her to hear it from you than for her to figure it out by herself, not that this would take away the pain and hurt your betrayal would have caused upon the revelation.

You must find a way to make things right in your marriage, no matter how she takes the news. You have every day for the rest of your life to prove to her that you love her totally and are not a repertorial cheat. You have a lot of work to do in rebuilding her trust in you, because she would be devastated by this indiscretion of yours and might never recover from the betrayal.  

The choice to reveal your indiscretion is up to you though. you could keep mum about it and ensure it NEVER happens again or you could open up to her. It depends on her personality and how she feels about infidelity. It is a deal breaker for some women and if she's that sort of woman, then you best keep mum and try your best to move on from this.

I wish you all the best Philip. Thanks for writing in.

Buki O.

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