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Tuesday, 16 February 2016

#DearBuki: He Cheated And Infected Me!!!!

Hello dear blog readers, how has your day been? I have started a column tagged #DearBuki where you can send whatever issues weighing on your minds and I would do my best to proffer solutions to them by giving my opinion and showing other perspectives to them. I do a lot of these guidance and counselling offline so I felt the need to bring it on my blog. Do send me an email on and we will put heads together. Check out the other posts here.

As they say, a problem shared, is a problem half solved................ :)


Dear Buki,

How is your new job going? I noticed you have not been posting and writing like you used to, I understand. Well done. I really admire your life and how you juggle so much at the same time. I am having some issues of my own regarding my work-life balance. You see, I am a married mother of four in my early 40's and I work very hard to fend for my family. I am the breadwinner of my family even though I am not a widow. I married a lazy man and I have borne the burden for years now without murmuring or complaining but I think I am done with that sort of life at this point.

My husband has no proper job even though I have tried to help him several times. I have spent over N10 million over the past years in trying to set up businesses for him but there is nothing to show for it Buki. He squanders the money and has zero business sense. I loved him so I endured and ensured my children, myself and even his lazy self never want for anything. I cannot do this anymore Buki, largely because I just found out he is a philandering idiot who has been spending my hard earned money on other women.

I know our society frowns on divorce and all that razzmatazz but I would rather remain alive and well than remain in an unfaithful marriage. Do you know this man, whom I have slaved for and loved wholeheartedly for years, gave me a sexually transmitted disease? Do you know he knew he had it, got drugs to treat himself but did not deem it fit to mention it to me? Do you know that if I had not found out in time, it would have ended worse for me? He knew yet said nothing, and that singular act (coupled with his treacherous infidelity) is the deal breaker for me. I see him as a murderer capable of killing me by sleeping with whores unprotecting, infecting me yet withholding the information while he treated himself.

My mind is made up but I just thought I would write to you to unburden myself and I feel much better having put it into writing. I have cried al the tears I can and I am here just very livid at the betrayal. Thank you for letting me offload on you. Have a lovely day and keep up with the good works.

Mrs. F.


Good morning Mrs. F, I am so sorry for your pains. There are a few things worse than having the one we love and care about hurt us in such a manner, but do you know what? We would always get through it so long as we keep our eyes clear and our hearts focused.

While some Nigerians might not understand where you are coming from as they think "ahnahn, is it not common cheating that he did? treat yourself and fight for your home", I totally get you. Cheating is  an absolute deal breaker for some people and what's worse is the sneaky way he started treatment without thinking of telling you to go treat yourself. That's just cold and if you have made up your mind to leave him, I would say kudos to you.

Life is too short to remain in an unhappy marriage filled with the possibilities of STDs. I am glad you are not waiting until he passes HIV/AIDS to you before you skedaddle. I don't think it is worth it at all, so get on with your life and focus on your children and yourself as a matter of fact. Once again, I am sorry for what you've had to go through. I wish you all the best and do feel free to get in touch anytime you need to talk or unburden yourself.

Take care ma.

Buki O.

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