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Sunday, 7 February 2016

#DearBuki: I Want To Have My Wife's Sister

Hello dear blog readers, how has your day been? I have started a column tagged #DearBuki where you can send whatever issues weighing on your minds and I would do my best to proffer solutions to them by giving my opinion and showing other perspectives to them. I do a lot of these guidance and counselling offline so I felt the need to bring it on my blog. Do send me an email on and we will put heads together. Check out the other posts here.

As they say, a problem shared, is a problem half solved................ :)


Dear Buki,

I'm a huge fan. Let me get straight to the point. I think I am falling in love with my wife's sister. I know I am definitely in lust with her because having sex with her is all I can think of these days. I think she knows it too as she has been giving me come-on signals. So far, I have resisted largely because my wife really loves the both of us and would be deeply hurt if she ever finds out. My wife and I have an average sex life now even though we used to really get down and hard before she had our daughter. I won't say I have really fought these dangerous and lustful thoughts and feelings but I am trying to purge them before I act on them. I know how brutally honest you can be and I would like you talk some sense into my head. There's no one else I could discuss it with so please oblige me. 

p.s. The sister stays with us off and on, not permanently.

Thank You.



Dear Frederick, thank you for your email. You've asked me to be brutally honest, so I will be brutally honest. I find it a tad confusing that a seemingly intelligent man like you cannot control his urges and would rather allow his loins rule his mind/head. Let me ask you this, because you gave no indication of it at all. Do you, Frederick, love your wife? If you do, why would you want to cheat on her with her sister and hurt her badly this way? That's one of the worst sorts betrayal, ever. If you don't, why are you still married to her and pretending you have a marriage? Ask yourself these questions and the true answers just might guide you into doing the right thing.

It is also imperative for me to note the possibility of you misreading the seemingly come-on signals your sister-in-law is sending your way. Unless she has outrightly and expressly crossed a line physically or verbally, this morally wrong lust and fantasy of your might just be in your head. If she has indeed come out plainly to tell you she has feelings for you, then you need to take a mental bold and sensible step back and see critically, the sort of person who would want to sleep with their blood sister's husband and then ask yourself if you want to be with such a person.

In all of these, have you thought about your daughter and how this might affect her? Have you also thought and reflected on the possibility that beyond satisfying your lust, there might be nothing but emptiness and regret afterwards? You might want to sit your wife down and discuss these odd feelings for her sister with her. Perhaps she might help you see the foolhardiness of your situation and also see to settling her sister somewhere else away from your home.

You are an adult, so I will leave the decision up to you. I wish you all the very best.

Buki O.

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