LMAO! What An EPIC Reaction!!!!

Oh my days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've got a headache from laughing so hard at the video below. It reminds me of a horror ride I once went on at Disney Paris. I still have the candid picture souvenir and the expression on my face was priceless. Maybe I would put it up one day.

Back to this brave couple who went on a ride..........LOL I don't know where this was taken and who they are but I can't stop laughing. Thanks to the sender of this video for making my day with this.

Let me translate for those who don't understand Yoruba.

Husband: Kini mo wa de bi? (What was I searching for to this point?)
Wife: Groans
Husband: Jesuuuuuuuu!!!! (Jesusssssssss!!!!!)
Husband: Yeee! (Screams)
Husband: Ko si nkankan, ko si nkankan (There's no problem, there's nothing)
Husband: Aa le jabo. (We can't fall down)
Husband: Yeeeeeeeeeee! (Screams)
Husband: Kemi, ki la wa de bi? (Kemi, How did we get here? What were we looking for?)
Husband: A ma lomo meji. Sola, Dayo (OMG, We have two children, Sola and Dayo)

ME: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

For The Love Of Money. TGIF

Thank God It's Friday. :)

I came across this image yesterday and the aptness of it moved me. As important and essential having money is, we must not forget to live while we go about in our pursuit of it. We allow the mundane things to overwhelm us while never truly seeking our happiness for ourselves and those around us. This shouldn't be so because we are only promised this one life and living it to the fullest is important. 

You can read the post I wrote here about Finding Your Happiness. It is really important that we stop to smell the flowers and watch the bird and bees often rather than focusing on our problems all the time. 

Come on and smile. :)

Have a fabulous weekend ahead.

How Prepared Are We, Really?

Reports reaching me about the robbery in Ikorodu this morning are just terrifying and sad.. Apparently the robbers had previously written to the two banks involved, pre-warning them of their 'visit'. They also sent a reminder letter to that effect, As incredible and appalling as this sounds, I'm here wondering why heavier security measures were not put in place to prevent today's bloody carnage. Word on the street is that there were some robberies in some hotels around that same area just last night as well. What is going on?

There are allegedly, several causalities most of whom have been taken to the hospital nearby. My sources say the robbers blasted their way into the banks with grenades and other heavy ammunition, spent almost an hour raiding the banks before fleeing the scenes successfully via speedboats. This modus operandi reminds me of the Lekki robbery I wrote about here some months ago. Could it be the same crew or a copy-cat gang?

The questions I asked then still remain unanswered and applicable to today's attack as well. 

* Why did it take so long for the army to be sent to the scene of the robbery?

* Why doesn't our police force have/use choppers?

* Do we also not have armed patrol on the sea?

* Why do our TV stations not have choppers as well? 

* How come our security is so lax in Nigeria/Lagos?

*How was it so well planned and coordinated without any intel by our security operatives?

* If there's a terrorist attack in Lagos, would it be the same response time?

* Are we really prepared for a terrorist attack in Lagos?

* Shouldn't we be? 

* What sort of investigations are ongoing to apprehend yesterday's criminals?

* Will the dead get justice?

* Will we ever get things right in Nigeria?

World's Most Beautiful Marriage Proposal

OMG. This blew me away. I went through so many emotions it was crazyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I was aghast, then mesmerized, then mortified, then I shed tears of joy and then I smiled and laughed through the rest of it. 

It was a tad OTT but you only live once, right? ;) I wish them eternal happiness.

Mondaysssssssssssssss

Sigh. Such is the day I've had. Still positive though. :)

How's your day been?

The Incredible Power Of Concentration

OMG! You need to watch the video below till the very end to understand the essence of having focus and allowing focus steer you to great heights of success. 

Read more about the act, Miyoko Shida Rigolo, here.

Incredible stuff.

An Erect Billboard (Ahem, No Pun Intended)

Ahem. *adjusts halo* This is an advert for a distillery company, Republica Parrillera Pilsner beer, in Costa Rica and it is causing quite a stir over there. (No pun intended). The intriguing thing about this advert is that when you view the billboard from the front, it looks quite innocent enough until you have an eyeful of the back view. ;) 

People are debating over whether it was intentionally placed or if it is a mistake that came together. (these puns are writing themselves o! LOL) 

What do you think? 

Important Questions To Ask While Dating

Ladies and gentlemen, I do not know who this preacher is but I've got to say he got this one right. If you're single then you need to watch the video below and learn thoroughly before taking the plunge. Even if you're married, it's never too late to watch, learn and change as well.

Coincidentally, I was thinking to myself early this morning about ladies who latch on to men totally without a care as to whose ox gets gored, regardless of how they are treated by these men, all in the name of love. I pondered on the possibility that so many of these ladies (and even some men) do not think as far as their future kids having the genes of their partners. If your partner has traits you cannot stand yet you stick with them blindly even when you know you should be fleeing, better know that your offspring would most likely have the same traits too, no matter what.

The video below is funny but absolutely bang on.

Good Eggs, Bad Eggs, Some Eggs.

In the wtf-did-I-just-read-section today is an article  (click here) that would astound you. It by a brilliant young chap, Dipo Ogun and it tells of the experience of his tailor in the hands of the Nigerian police. You have to read it to understand a minute part of the ginormous rot in our police force in Nigeria.

It quickly brings to mind two stories, first of which is the one my brother's friend went through. An absolutely drunk guy ran in front of his car on his way home a couple of months ago and after rushing him off to a hospital, this newly wedded young man went to report the incidence at the police station. He was promptly arrested for "hit and run" for coming to report the incidence himself. Sigh.

Then a few days ago, a chap calls me and says he had just been battered by a MOPOL (Mobile Policeman) for no reason. One minute he was talking to a man, the next minute this random Mopol was all up in his business and ended up slapping him thrice across the face. He burst his nose and the poor chap almost bled to death. Apparently, the Mopol was drunk and acted up because 'the devil pushed him to'. Thank God, the chap I know did not bleed to death nor suffer any injuries worse than he did. Also, he happened to know the Mopol's Commander and the drunken culprit was promptly arrested, stripped of his uniform and thrown behind bars. This culprit had only recently been fired from the company he was attached with because he threatened to shoot an unarmed civilian. 

Sigh.

The irony for me was when the Inspector General of Police, IGP Solomon Arase, claimed some weeks ago that the Nigerian Police has the least corrupt officers in the industries in the country. *holds laff and wails in disappointment* This makes me wonder and worry about how things are meant to be fixed right if those who ought to fix them do not even realize and acknowledge that there's a problem!

When does it all end?

Will You Help?

I came across the amazing advert below which clearly shows that keeping mum over sexual violence acts is not the right thing to do. We should rather speak up and help put a stop to such. Follow the hashtag #WhoWillYouHelp to learn more on this. While these guys are in Canada, the principles apply all over the world especially in Africa.

You must not witness any form of sexual violence and keep quiet about it. Do what's right and speak out against such or lend a helping hand to the victims asap. 

If you know of any such acts of sexual violence, kindly contact organizations like Stand To End Rape and/or the many more like it around Nigeria.

Says Yes.

Lift your spirit up with this song. No matter how bad things might be looking for you right now, they will surely get better because when God says yes, no man can say no. :)

Gramps Is Backkkkkkkkkkkk

I'm so glad to share some good news this morning. Remember my friend's grandpa I blogged about here a couple of days ago, who had been kidnapped? 

Well, thank God he's been found and is now back home with his family. And even better news is the fact that two of his captors have been apprehended. Can I get a Hallelujah somebody. LOL. I am elated. 

Thanks to everyone for the support and prayers. Love. xx

A Most Hilarious Conversation

Oh my days, y'all need to read the conversations below. It's about an encounter between members of staff in an organization. While one employee keeps his/her lunch in the communal fridge, another mysterious employee keeps nicking it and their exchange is as frustrating (for a victim) as it is hilarious. 

It reminds me of an old flatmate of mine. This dude would do the exact same thing, rummage through the shared fridge and eat whatever he finds there. I would get back from classes with salivating-plans of having a snack or meal I'd kept in there and sadly, it would be no where to be found. Well, I did find the empty packs in the dustbins sometimes. I have always been one to share everything I own but taking the last bits every time without once replacing them was just too much jare. 

I confronted him, bless his heart, but when I realized it didn't stop him, I once cooked a really spicy stew one day and walked in on him completely red-faced with tears streaming down his face thoroughly enjoying MY stew.I jejely bought a smaller fridge from Argos and kept it in my room, along with my sanity and appetite. LOL. 

Anyway, have a good laugh from the exchange below. :)

Please Bring Great-Grandpa Back Home

A few days ago, I drafted a post about kidnappings in Nigeria and I was yet to complete and publish it when I got the news that my good friend's 97-year-old grandpa has been kidnapped. The poor old man was taken forcefully from his home in Ijebu-Ode, Ogun State about 6 days ago and the family has been contacted to pay a ransom to secure his release. 

What sort of creatures would kidnap a man this frail for ransom? Is he being fed right? Does he have access to healthcare? Are they clothing him warmly in this weather? I pray grandpa is returned safe and sound. Please if you have any information about his whereabouts, kindly email me on bukiotuyemi@gmail.com.

Thank you.

The Police Should Be Your Friend

Ideally, the police should help citizens and protect them always. Alas, this isn't always so in some countries. So it was really refreshing for me to have found a couple of pictures and a post on the Facebook page of the Northamptonshire Police about a kind young police officer who found a tired old man and helped him home. Stories like this are a breadth of fresh air rather than stories of cruel, malicious and corrupt officers every time.

Read the post and find the pictures below:

"A lot of people have contacted us about one of our officers helping an elderly man in Kingsthorpe earlier this week after he caught the wrong bus and struggled to get home with his heavy shopping bags.

A picture which was taken by a passerby of PC Chris Stevens helping the man home has been shared and liked on Facebook by thousands of people, with many commending him for his actions.

Explaining what happened on the day, PC Stevens said: "I saw the gentleman leaning up against a wall, so went over to ask if he was alright.

“He said he'd been into town shopping but got on the wrong bus and was struggling to get home. So I asked if he wanted some help.

“He said that would be good, so I took his shopping and he held my arm as we walked back to his house and we had a nice chat.

“His wife looked a bit shocked when she opened the door and I was there with him, but he was fine.

"It's nice that the police are getting recognition for doing good things, but it's nothing more than any of my colleagues would have done. These things happen on a daily basis up and down the country."

The Issue Of Pocket Money For Wives!!

I came across this article on Facebook and I just had to share it here. I think he is on track..... well until the end when he said the wife had to kneel down to thank her hubby. Ermmmm, 2015 anyone?  well, unless he meant her thanking him on her knees ;) ;) :) 

Enjoy the piece, I did.

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I have often wondered why is it that most men forget to give gifts to their wives? Why is it that we overlook the need to give our wives pocket money? Say.. "baby, take this and buy yourself something or this is your pocket money for this month." This pocket money is not the same thing as soup money or money to buy things at home. I mean money strictly for her and her alone. Understand?

Now, I am not saying all our wives are in need. I am not relegating women to the background, what Yoruba people call Alabodo (feed them for sex). I know that in this age and time, most women work and some of them earn well enough to take care of their basic needs ... and their children, if not even earn better than their husbands and in good position to shoulder the loads of the family. But God forbid that men will wait on their wives!.

But my take here is: is anything wrong in saying "baby, take this as your pocket money for this month" ? I guess there is nothing wrong in that even if she earns better than you the husband. I guess its an act that God will be glad we men still play, not minding how much you give or if your wife needs it or not.

Now ask the woman next to you: if your husband gives you pocket money monthly, not minding if its N5,000 or N10,000, or N100,000, will you take it or not? Will you appreciate it or not?

You know women naaaaw, na bring bring bring, be their philosophy. They will take it. I guess if we men cultivate that act, it will go a long way to make our wives believe their husbands love them. And watch what such women will do in response.

Let me tell you a story. One day, a client paid me a big sum and i just felt like tripping baby. I put her in the Toyota Camry car i was using then and off i drove to ShopRite on VI. I did not even tell her we were going to ShopRite. When we got there, she exploded 

"Do you have money? What are we doing here? 

I said "just follow me and pick anything you want." 

Right inside Shoprite, I picked cart and wheeled it behind her. "Pick anything you want baby."

See women o! Na so she dey pick, pick, pick. The cart was full. Then she picked her own cart too, and in minutes, her cart was full too. I picked the bill, almost N86,000. As we were going out of the mall, something struck her ...

"Felloow (she calls me Felloow B, after the order of Supremost Comradium of the World headquarter. Daysis Oblanjahorr) 

"You did not buy yourself anything! she wondered

"Ah, i have no cash left. Let us go home ..."

"No, i have some money. Lets go back and pick what you want.

So we went back. My wife picked a bill of N42k for me alone. 

Now, you know I never knew my wife had money on her? But she brought it out and spent on me because i had impressed her. My man, Impress your wife, she will spin surprises on you.

Now look at this again: when I scrutinized all we bought with my N86,000, hardly was there anything strictly for her. Almost everything we bought were things we used at home and for the children. But when it was her turn to buy for me, i bought things for MYSELF! Shaving cream, boxers, stockings, slippers, DVDs, condoms, singlets, my kind of wine, (understand?) etc. Things me alone use!

It taught me a great lesson: most women are good. Most women are not greedy. All they want is show them you love them, you will catch them mugu for life!

Men, give your wives pocket money today. Cultivate the habit. Don’t say sebi she is working. 

And women, don’t say how much are you giving me gan sef. Kneel down and say thank you.

I hope I am in order?

iSpy In Naija

I haven't done an iSpy post in a while, well here goes. I found this signage a few days ago and it was interesting to me. See, long ago the word "gay" used to mean "happy" but these days, not so much. 

I just wonder if the name puts people off or encourages them to patronize them. :) Anyways, it's around Ogba area if you so which to try them out.

Ladies, Be Alert Always.

Wow. Every parent, sibling,friend,  uncle and aunt to any female needs to watch this video. It is a social experiment that shows how easy it is to spike a drink and thus get a lady in serious trouble such as rape,kidnap, etc.

Things I learned Driving In Lagos

Even though I learned how to drive many many years ago and I do know how to drive, I never really took it up properly until recently. I just couldn't be bothered, plus I have had a phobia for huge trucks and my gracious and darling hubby takes me to work and brings me back everyday since we relocated. 

Anyways, for the first time in a long time, I started driving properly and for longer ALONE in a car recently. It has been an experience so far and I would list the things I've learned and discovered so far:

1. One in every five cars do not have a fully functioning set of brake lights: ....which probably explains why there are so many cases of fender benders in Lagos. I remember something I used to do when I served (NYSC) in Abuja years ago. On my way out each time, I would look out for cars that had dents on them and then conclude they are from Lagos State, after which I would check out the license plates to confirm. I was almost always right because the cars that bore Abuja plates barely ever had been in accidents while those in from Lagos almost always had dents, scoffs, scratches, bumps, etc on them. Go figure.

2. Switching Lanes: You'd be forgiven to think there was an award for the most-switcher in lane switching category. Why can't Lagosians just stay on a lane, huhn? These switches cause a lot of the small accidents we see daily. Stay. In. Your. Lane. Dammit.

3. Danfo-Menace-Drivers: Where do I start from with these chaps? I have tweeted several times that I do believe a vast majority of danfo drivers (public bus drivers) have thick cotton-wool soaked in sewage fluid in their heads rather than brains and this is me putting it mildly. They are the worst traffic offenders everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. They are so reckless and have little or no regard for human lives let alone other road users' cars. The most infuriating part is that when they eventually run their metal buses into your car due to their impatience and carelessness, they will come out to cry, prostrate and plead with you because they have no money to fix your car. Simple and short. They never have money to fix up, ever. The best thing to do is to just avoid them and allow them proceed with their madness without putting your car in harm's way.

4. Oba Akran Traffic: See ehn, the traffic in Lagos can make a grown man/woman cry in frustration. A few days ago, I was close to dying of hunger in traffic a few days ago on Alfred Rewane, Ikoyi. The traffic was horrendous and I hadn't eaten all day. At some point I even sent out a tweet begging for a ride on a power-bike with an extra helmet. I would have ditched the official driver quickly, lol. Sometime last week, I left my house for work without applying my makeup with the hopes of doing so when I got to work BUT by the time I had spent 30 minutes on Oba Akran in a standstill kindda traffic for a ride that shouldn't have taken up to 10 minutes, I started applying my makeup and I tell you, I did a full face of makeup before I got to the beginning of the bridge leading to Ikeja-under-bridge. That traffic has a prime spot on my gangsta-traffic-wall .  :)

5. Many Are Mad, But Few Are Roaming: I used to hear that when you are driving in Lagos, you should automatically assume that all other road users are mad and as such, drive with extra caution. I often thought it was a fallacious statement but alas, I have come to realize that it is not an exaggeration. I cannot understand Lagos road users, both drivers and pedestrians (don't even get me started on those ones) so I just shine my eyes very well .

6. Trucks Are Not So Scary After All: I grew up with a phobia for heavy duty trucks, probably as a result of witnessing an accident from an exploding tanker as a child. We narrowly missed being burnt alive in that horrific accident and ever since then, the trauma has stayed with me. I dreaded driving beside trucks and tankers and this singular phobia/fear put me off driving for a long time. Thankfully, I have finally managed to overcome this fear and it is mainly because I realized that it feels different when you go past one of such while you are behind the wheel and while you are riding shotgun. Clearly, one is more in control while holding the steering wheel than when observing from the sides. Infact, I feel like I have superhuman powers while cruising next to a heavy duty truck. Hehehehe. #ImFreeAtLast :)

7. Swearing And Cussing; Lagos Style: I dare you to leave your house, drive through Lagos in one day and not cuss/swear or wonder in amazement at the sheer recklessness and madness of road users. It is near impossible I'm telling you. There are always trouble makers looking for you to aggravate. Sigh. I always try to look on the funny side to the madness in order not to work myself up. ;) 

What's your driving experience been like? Care to share? :)

#BlogFeature - Aside

Here is another nice article by Vivian Beulah Igbokwe. She has been featured as a guest writer on my blog a few times in the past. This one shows so much passion for Aba City and she attributes the success of the city to the past governor of the State.  

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That's a willful accusation of the good people of Aba. But what can I say? She's beautiful and she was wearing a nice mini gown and chocks and behaving like she just came into the country and coming to the great city of Aba for the first time.

When she came into the bus, she asked "how many people sit on a row, three or four? I didn’t say anything. I didn't want to. I had encountered her a few minutes ago and she acted like she doesn't go to the toilet, like she just dropped from the sky and that guy with her, he was pampering her so much. But what could I do?  She's so beautiful.

She asked again and the lady beside her answered “three people sit on a row.” It was as if she wasn't convinced because she asked again. Then the lady who answered her spoke in a voice that sounded as if she was alarmed. She said "stop asking so they won't hear your question and carry four people." I was surprised to hear that. I turned and said to both of them "They carry just three people, never four."

I thought that lending my voice to their conversation would convince her but that was when she committed the crime: when she insulted the great city of Aba and her people. She said "Is it not Aba? I thought they even seat five five on a row." I couldn't believe my ears. How dare she? Was she trying to imply that the great city of Aba does not care for her children and visitors? Does she know Aba? The great city that opens her arms to all the other cities around and never tries to scare them with her bad roads? The city that opens her arms in trade, selling both original and fake goods without any bias for either.

 I was visibly vexed at that audacious and unfounded insult and accusation on the great city of Aba. A man from the back seat told her "They can't carry four people. It's not possible." The lady who was pleading with her kept on pleading with her to stop so they don't increase the number of passengers. She replied "I'm just saying because that's how I thought people in Aba would behave." That was when I turned to her and said in a stern tone "dem no fit carry four people. Na only three three people dem de carry for seat. Dem no fit try am." And that was all I could do because she was so beautiful.

Throughout the journey, she kept behaving like Oyibo. And for me, I kept stealing glances at the lady who insulted the great city and the guy who was pampering her so much. He was feeling like he got a catch. But who am I to blame him; she is so beautiful.  However, as we got closer to the great city of Aba, we got held up in traffic. I heard my Oyibo lady say something in Igbo and I smiled. "Aba don de touch her small small."  When you come, you will bow. Such is the power of the great city of Aba.

But what will she do when she encounters her very bad roads, her flooded streets, the mosquito infested gutters and all those very nasty sights? What will she do when she goes to Ariaria and the other markets where shop owners and buyers swim to the market; where a woman sells her wares beside huge refuse dumps? Then maybe, she might make a tour to areas like Ngwa road, Osusu and Omuma roads.  Maybe that's when she will understand the kindness of the great city. That's when she will understand that the great city has the power to kill her children and visitors with diseases and infections. Yet, in her kindness, she chooses to send them to her hospitals instead, where they are treated with cheap drugs that make them to visit over and over again. I remember my father complain that the drugs his doctor gives him is not effective. He actually calls them routine drugs. 

That's why we remain grateful to our great leader-T.A ORJI, the OCHENDO of the great city of Aba for his large heart and kindness. Can we ever forget him and his huge impact on the great city of Aba?

Long live the great city of Aba.

Article by:  Vivian Beulah Igbokwe.

scriptwriter87@gmail.com

Twitter : @club7teen

Comedy Post Part 2

Here's the continuation from the Comedy Post Part1.

Lighten up and enjoy. ;)

Comedy Post Part 1

I came across this British comedienne (of Nigerian descent), Gina Yashere, and I just had to share. You've probably seen a few of her acts where she played Tanya and Mrs Omokorede, the pushy Mum. I find her sense of humor wickedly and tastefully refreshing. This is her performance on Live At The Apollo.

Know Your Labels

So many people struggle with pronouncing foreign designer labels so I thought I'd share these pictures I came across on Facebook. We learn everyday. :)