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Tuesday, 15 March 2016

#DearBuki: Help! I Married Deception!!!

Hello dear blog readers, how has your day been? I have started a column tagged #DearBuki where you can send whatever issues weighing on your minds and I would do my best to proffer solutions to them by giving my opinion and showing other perspectives to them. I do a lot of these guidance and counselling offline so I felt the need to bring it on my blog. Do send me an email on and we will put heads together. Check out the other posts here.

As they say, a problem shared, is a problem half solved................ :)


Dear Buki,

I am a huge fan of yours and I really wish we can have more easy going and factual people like you in Nigeria. I need your advise on an issue bothering me. My wife is a chronic liar, she lies about the most mundane things and I have tried my best to make her see the errors in her ways, but she can't seem to change.

We have been married for three years and it has been torturous to say the least. I still love her very much but I do not know how much more I can take if she does not change her ways. Her lying habit constantly causes us embarrassment. She lies about what we own and don't own, where she's been, what she ate, what she wore, everything. She creates a false character to others overtime. Why can't she just be her nice self? She shows remorse when she's caught in a lie but she just can't seem to stop even though she wants to. I don't know what else to do Buki. 

Please help me.

Thank you.



Dear Patrick, thank you for writing in and sharing your concerns with us. I am sorry about the pains and embarrassment your wife is causing you but I admire you reaching out to get her the help she needs. I think your wife might be suffering from a medical disorder call Pseudologia Fantastica which is the another name for being a pathological liar. Excessive lying is a common symptom of several mental illnesses which many people suffer from but few get help for it, and just wallow in self-pity and ridicule over what they cannot control themselves..

Several things could be responsible for this and as such, I would recommend you getting her to see a trained psychologist as quickly as possible, for a proper diagnosis and treatment. From what I have read about pathological liars, it is not easy diagnosing them precisely and treating them but it can be done, If she's indeed suffering from pathological lying, then psychotherapy is what she needs as this is the only known cure. 

This also means you have to be supportive and be there for her through this. The good thing is that she realises she has a problem, and is willing to get help for it and also has you loving and helping her. That's half of the problem solved already. 

I wish you all the best as you both seek help. Let me know if you need the contact of a trained psychologist.


Bui O.

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