I used to write a column on sex-education or what have you right here on my blog and due to popular demand, I have decided to repost some of my past writings which some of you probably missed. I will update my drafts with new sex-education articles. Email me on the aspects you would like to know more about. I am no expert but I do my researches well. ;)
Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, This is an-informative-sex-after-birth-kindda-post. I know this is a sensitive topic for some couples and that the "Nigerian culture" does not encourage such openness. I, however, know how very essential it is to discuss it and clear things up to the benefit of those currently going through this phase and to prepare those who will get there.I don't know it all but I will try my best with the bit I know. Here goes:
*** Before baby comes, ensure you both have as much sex as you can. It would help make child-bearing easier and give the woman less chances of having tears down below.
*** There are safe styles that would be comfortable for both of you which won’t even affect the baby (as a matter of fact the baby will chill out until game over. That’s for another post though)
*** After a woman has a baby, it is advisable for her to stay off sex for at least 6 weeks. (
Yes, you read right. No nookie for a month plus. Hehehe)
*** This is for the good of the new mother, the partner and the baby. Lack of “disturbance” down there would help her heal quicker such that she doesn’t fall ill and put pressure on the partner and the newborn.
*** How then are the men supposed to cope, you ask?
*** First and foremost, be warned that no matter how long it may take for a new mother to be ready for sex with you, it is always MIND OVER MATTER. This simply means that your mind should always be in control of your urges.
*** Secondly, because Mr. A got some a couple of weeks after Mrs. A had baby A doesn’t mean Mr. B won’t have to wait for several more months before Mrs. B is ready. Readiness for sex after childbirth differs from body to body. These tips are just to help you speed things up in a beautiful way. :)
*** Child-bearing takes a lot from women physically, mentally and emotionally. If you can help your partner work through these phases before “resuming duty”, it would be beneficial to both of you.
*** A woman’s body (
well, most women) goes through so much that words cannot aptly describe them to you. Hormones flying all over the place, hemorrhoid, unwanted but unavoidable stretch marks often appear like a mango that got into a claw fight with a lion, on the stomach, weight gain, love handles blooming, I could go on. Most of these seemingly frightening developments are physical, so imagine the mental effect they cause.
*** It is up to you (yes, you male) to help your partner regain her physical and mental self-confidence. You must reassure her that you still love her, spots, warts and all and mean it too. Buy her cheery gifts that will brighten up her days up and help her feel like a part of the world outside motherhood.
*** Be extremely patient with her and understand her moods and fears. Often times, she’s more worried and concerned about if you will still find her the same as she was before baby popped out.
*** Find someone to babysit for a couple of hours and take her out. The outside air and atmosphere will do wonders for her psyche and help her to relax more. DO NOT INITIATE SEX AT THIS POINT, lest she feels ……..
baited? You can discuss the likely scenarios and even plan towards them but let it all come to both of you naturally.
*** Shoulder rubs, foot rubs, and helping with baby and house chores (
yes house chores, you African man, lol), also helps a great deal. When a woman sees you in a certain light, she becomes more yielding towards you and your eventual advances. ;)
*** During baby’s bath time and nappy changes, discuss sex. Communication is crucial and if she’s free enough to express her fears to you explicitly, buddy, you good to go. ;)
***When she’s ready to give in eventually, get things like lubricants, scented candles, music and the likes ready at hand. Trust me; it helps make things more relaxed.
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, there you have it.:) I hope this helps you. Feel free to share it with young couples who have just had babies because you might not have a clue what sexual frustration is doing to their relationship with the change in their lifestyle due to the new wee babies.